


Heroes of The Citadel

by HumanSentinel1912



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, F/M, Galactic War, Gay Romance, M/M, Outer Space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:08:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3389621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumanSentinel1912/pseuds/HumanSentinel1912
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War has a funny effect on people's relationships. It can sometimes ended them, or bring people together, whether it be a two peoples or two individuals. On the SSV Normandy, it did just that; species with known hatred for others set aside differences to help the better cause while also bring certain people together... closer than just a 'mutual' relationship.</p><p>Notice: As of 9/5/16, this story is put on permanent hiatus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Priority: Eden Prime

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hehe, sorry if the summary kinda sucks but... yeah. I'll try to update frequently but I can't promise anything except what i believe to be quality chapters.

**Kaidan**

* * *

 

_The_ _lights flicker off and on slowly, as he walks through the white hallway. The systems where being updated with their latest versions, increasing the power drawn and causing the weird flickering throughout the station. "Kaidan..." Rahna's soft voice echoed within, along with others from their circle of friends._

_"Rahna. Where are you?" He calls out; he looks back, down the hall thinking they could be behind him. They always played games like this on him; they knew he was one for surprises especially after what happened that brought him to Jump Zero. He was a normal kid, with a normal life, and with a normal family. He had a strict military father, proud for his achievements and his lovely wife; they were a small, but happy family. He had just finished a normal day of school; worrying only about homework due, chores to be done at home, and the big game against his rival school. He was working on History homework when they came for him; they didn't even give him time to say goodbye. He was the one to open the door for the men in black, and moments later, they were the ones closing the door as they had forced him into their skycar; his crying mother being held back by her husband. That was the most devastating day of his life, to see his mother in so much pain and to see his father not do anything._

_"Kaidan." His walk quickened as he heard the voices closer than before. Never did he think about it being past curfew, nor would he actually care if he did remember; he would do anything for Rahna. She was his first love, and he hoped for his only love, besides his parents, wherever they are._

_"Rahna! Where are you?" He called out as he started to run through the never ending hallways. No matter how far he ran, her voice never seemed to get closer. Meeting a dead end, he turned the only way he could; left... and a trap._

_"Gaah!" Electric currents shoot straight throughout his body as he falls to the ground, screaming in pain. As he fell, he could feel the electric currents running through him. He looked up slowly, trying to minimize his suffering, and saw the bolts running through him where coming from the walls and where triggered by motion sensors. After a moment of nothing but agonizing torture and pain, the electrifying sensation stopped, and he collapsed to the floor. Steam literally was becoming vapor from all the energy that was running throughout his body. For some reason, he was remembering his last chemistry homework, kinetic energy and how water takes two thousand, two hundred sixty joules per gram of energy to vaporize water; he was a popular nerd at school._

_"So weak. A true Biotic can handle the pain and still manage to get free." Struggling not to pass out, Kaidan looked up to see the person he hated the most; Commander Vyrnnus. Funny thing, nobody knew his first name nor did they care. Unknown to Kaidan, Vyrnnus had it out for him; it was because, he could see that Kaidan could actually be a great biotic. The only reason he took this job was to break any potential cadets, but Kaidan wouldn't break. Kaidan tried to raise his hand, but failed, earning him another shock, longer than the last one received._

_"Foolish little boy. So strong, so determined. Let's see you after this; Rahna take this whip and give him a nice slash." Kaidan's eyes jolt wide open as he swallows what he was just told. He didn't believe she would do it; he loved her and she loved him, right? They had something special, right? He struggled to look toward the figures standing behind his limp figure; all his friends, and Rahna... tears where in her eyes as she was handed the whip. Vyrnnus scared her, he scared all of then, but her the most. He knew her meaning to Kaidan, he knew how to break him and it was through her._

_"Ra-Rahna..." he tried to speak, but more electric volts where sent flying through his very being; causing more than just a scream to leave him. Tears began to fall, even though almost immediately they turned to vapor._

_"You're weak. A true biotic never cries out in pain, nor the betrayal of a friend; instead, they must do what has to be done to survive!" Vyrnnus meant that as a threat to Rahna. He was staring right at her as he finished the last part of his sentence. If she didn't whip Kaidan, then he would kill her._

_"Ra- aaaHHHHH!"_

Kaidan jumped up, in his bunk, almost hitting his head on the person's above his. His entire body screamed in pain as his head pounded with one of his normal, intense migraines. His breath was quick and deep as sweat ran down his naked torso. It's been a while since he had a nightmare about his past, but like all horrific things, they tend to surface from time to time. It would always be the same dream; the day he lost all his trust in love; the day he was betrayed by the ones he held most dear. Kaidan's past, in ways, made him stronger than others of his age, which isn't bad since he's only thirty two, yet in other ways, made him weaker. He learned to control his powers and his emotions, while learning how to let no one in; life to him was work, work, work and no time for 'silly games'.

Sliding his legs from underneath the covers, Kaidan tried his best not to wake his fellow crew mates. He needed a cold shower; helps cool him down and calm his raging headache. It was surprisingly quiet on the crew deck, but then again, it was probably three in the morning or whatever, if it was morning. The 'night' shift was always more quiet than the 'day', and they liked it that way. Kaidan, he preferred hanging out with Joker on the bridge since that's his station anyway and because he likes talking with him; reminds him of home. Joker loves talking about his little sister Gunny and his folks; reminds him of his own.

Locking the door behind him (force of habit), despite the time, he then turned the water on. Pulling off his sweat pants and loose shirt that he had thrown on before leaving the crew's quarters, he folded them up neatly and placed them on top of his equally neat towels. At the first moments of being under the icy cold water, he began to shiver and his teeth started to chatter slightly, but soon turned to him moaning softly; his body was already starting to feel better. His head though was going to take a little longer to start feeling any better.

Five minutes turn to twenty as the Normandy glides through space. Kaidan turns off the water and grabs one of his towels from underneath his bed clothes and uniform. Quickly, he dries himself off and gets changed, having to fix his hair afterwards with gel. He hates when his hair flops down in front of his face after a shower, but, his mother liked his hair long so he keeps it keeps it for her, only getting it trimmed when needed. Brushing his teeth quickly, he finishes quickly and leaves the bathroom, heading back to his bunk in the crew's quarters. Everyone's still asleep, or that of who he noticed which meant he was quiet enough.

After a moment or two of debating whether or not to go to the mess or to his station on the bridge, he finally chose the mess. He was feeling a little peckish and decided he wanted to grab a coffee and cook something. One of his favorite pass times was cooking, and with the Normandy having no cook, it was open game. Captain Anderson thought that rations sucked, so he stocked the Normandy with slightly better quality food and said the crew can make whatever they want; he probably only did that so that his crew didn't commit a mutiny or something. Kaidan didn't mind the standard rations given, but then again, he never really complained about anything. He just dealt with whatever he had to, to remain the disciplined solider he always had to be; for himself, and his father. He felt obligated to, his father never broke one rule, and therefore got metals and awards for it; Kaidan doesn't want the rewards, but he feels in his heart that he owes his father that much, not to get in trouble (as if he would, after what Vyrnnus did to him).

He walked through the hallway and just as he turned corner, he felt a shock that caused him to slightly jump back in fear; his mind racing as his heart once again started beating in his throat. Though a soft shock, it sent ripples throughout his body, just like that day long ago.

"....tenant? Lieutenant?" Slowly, Kaidan began hearing the other person calling him; first, barely audible but growing as the seconds past. Kaidan shook his head slightly to get him out of his daze, before realizing who he bumped into; Commander Shepard. He never met the Commander up until the accident, but before that, the Commander already won respect from him. What he did for the people on Elysium and his fellow solider was nothing short of amazing, selfless, and brave; something Kaidan admired and envied slightly.

"Commander." By habit, he salutes Shepard though neither of them are on duty. Shepard frowned slightly before saying at ease. "I'm sorry, I wasn't watching."

Shepard shook his head with a smile that threw off Kaidan and made him slightly uneasy. He didn't understand why Shepard was smiling the way he was. "No harm, no foul."

Kaidan felt very uneasy; it was weird for him. It's not that he's not used to talking to superior officers, it was just something about Shepard... something that scared him. That smile, that gaze, it reminded him of himself, towards Rahna the first time he saw her. After a moment of an awkward silence, Kaidan decided to just end this conversation.

"Well, I'll just go... that way."

"Wait, I'm sorry. I'm Commander John Shepard." Kaidan smiled slightly as he took the extended hand given to him by Shepard. He had a firm grip and a warm smile; his blue eyes...

"Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

"Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot from Anderson about you." Shepard says as they both begin walking to the kitchen. Kaidan throws on the coffee maker and asks if John would want one, not using his actual name. He's not one for informalities when it comes to being onboard the Normandy. They continued talking while the coffee brewed as he made eggs. He offered some to the Commander but he said he already ate. It was weird, Kaidan didn't mind talking to Shepard once he warmed up; it was easy to talk and he kind of had some fun in doing so; he even laughed.

"Hah, but seriously, why did you jump earlier?" Kaidan was washing his plate in the sink when Shepard asked the question. Instantly, Kaidan went rigid remembering what happened. He had completely forgot about what this morning and his dream, but Shepard's rather harmless question reminded him. "Alenko, are you alright?"

"Ye-yes Commander, I'm alright." He said, plastering a smile on his face to divert suspicions; it was ineffective. Shepard frowned and shook his head slightly before standing up.

"You know, you don't have to lie when something's bothering you." Kaidan watched as Shepard walked out of view and back to the crew quarters. Little did he know that Shepard was standing just around the corner and out of sight; he was intrigued by the Lt. standing there in the mess. Something about him, he liked... a lot, but he's no fool, he knows something's up.

"You idiot... why do you do that to people? He was just asking a harmless... question..." Kaidan said, scolding himself aloud as he finished cleaning the dishes he created.

"If only it was..." He cleared his throat and began walking back to his rightful place. He stopped just in front of the elevator, looking at the door to the crew quarters and the stairs leading to the CIC; John still around the corner. He was debating whether or not to try and get some more sleep or just head on upstairs and start working. In the end, he chose to head on upstairs and start his shift.

* * *

 

"I hate that guy." Joker said as Nihlus left the bridge. Kaidan just rolled his eyes and looked at the rambling pilot; he's kind of used to it by now. Having his station next to Joker's, you learn how to tune him out sometimes and come back in when necessary or just because he's actually saying something worth while and or funny.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment, so you hate him..."

Kaidan listened as Joker went on about something to do with a jumpsuit after using that bathroom and something about jumping across the galaxy and hitting a 'pin head'. He was trying to get a head in his own work so he wouldn't fall behind; he was assigned to work with Shepard and Jenkins when they got to Eden Prime. "...call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid," Kaidan said after hearing Joker finish his speech. "The Council helped fund this project; they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment." His face never left his data charts as he spoke; words just flowed out of his mouth. He's a natural when it comes to logical thinking, all know.

"Yeah, that's the official story, but only an idiot believes that." Kaidan was about to rebut when another voice spoke. He looked up from his station for a quick second and saw him, Shepard look right back. He wondered when he got there because he hadn't heard him come in. Shepard had the same smile on from that morning's encounter, and got the same weird, unnerving feeling just like it. He shuddered slightly but loud enough for both him and Joker to hear, resulting in both of them to turn and look towards him.

"They don't send Spectres on Shakedown runs..." Kaidan's cheeks burn up from embarrassment; he knows they saw him shudder. It's not even like he could say it's chilly in the Normandy since the ship is always set in between seventy and seventy five degrees. Inside his mind, he's basically begging for a reason to leave.

"Joker! Status report!" Saved by the bell; instantly, Kaidan let go a sigh of relief, this time making sure not to make a sound. He couldn't asked for a better distraction from himself: Captain Anderson checking in over the comm. Taking this as the time to head downstairs to his locker, he stood up from his station, locking his computer and started walking away from the bridge. The conversation between Anderson, Joker and the Commander was almost complete when he got to the Galaxy Map, so by the time he got to the elevator, it had to be finished. When the doors closed, he finally let out all his anxiety built up in him with a moan. That was the most embarrassing thing in his entire life; so much for learning how to control his emotions.

"God, what's wrong with me..." He whispered just as the door to the hangar bay opened. He was greeted with a friendly smile from the requisitions officer and the other crew as he walked out and to his locker.

Opening it, he chuckled softly when he saw the picture he kept in. It was when he was younger; he was hanging off his parents arms as they both swung him as the walked through the park near their old house.

_"Higher mommy, higher daddy."_

Kaidan shakes his head with a smile full of love before placing the picture back. Kaidan doesn't have much to his name: a rank, dog tags, a locker and armor, but the one thing he has plenty of, are memories of a time where everything was perfect, and that, means more than what he could have had in any normal life. Granted, there are many things he wished to forget, but less than what he was thankful for.

He put on his armor with ease, experiencing no difficulties worth mentioning to others. Granted, it was a little snug in his upper body and the helmet made it slightly hard to breath, but otherwise, it was fine. Shepard and Jenkins came down, laughing at a joke that Shepard cracked right as the doors opened, halfway through when Kaidan's costume change. Both stopped and stared at him momentarily before continuing to their lockers. This was going to be a long mission, for all of them...

* * *

 

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas, I think he's waking up."

Kaidan had been by Shepard's side since it all happened on that docking platform. He was with him from the start of that bizarre and... horrific mission...

Nihlus had started on foot already when they set down; Shepard, Jenkins and himself included. Jenkins was excited; to be home, and to be on his first mission that he deemed could let him 'show the brass what he could do'. For Shepard and Kaidan, it was just another normal mission but none the same, they all worked as a team to survey the area before moving on.

Moving to the next area, that was when things turned for the worse. They didn't know it at the time, but what were three Geth Reacon Drones killed Jenkins within seconds of him taking fire. They broke through his shields and armor like a brick going through paper; without resistance. After the fighting was finished and the drones destroyed, there was no time to mourn. Only for a brief conversation to express Kaidan's concern about their opponents before just moving on. They couldn't do anything for him until the mission was complete, promising to give a proper service after everything. That didn't sit well with Kaidan, and Shepard could see it in his eyes, those eyes that with every moment, were growing on him.

As they continued, battling several more drones, they ran into Ashley. After another rather short fight using his biotics, he took a small rest as Shepard talked to her, he was starting to feel drained; probably because he's never used his biotics so much. After Vrynnus, he hesitated to use them on others, but now, he didn't care; the Geth are monsters. But Kaidan was ecstatic to see someone made it; he was tired of just finding dead bodies lying everywhere. She explained what Shepard asked of her; her knowledge of the Prothean Beacon, the reason this all started; her account before the Geth appeared; everything. As they were about to move out, Shepard placed his hand on Kaidan's shoulder gently as he was hunched over.

"You alright Kaidan?"

He looked up at the worried expression on Shepard's face. He couldn't help but smile back. 'What is wrong Kaidan!?' This man before him scared him, slightly. Shepard was doing nothing wrong, it was just... himself who was making everything an issue. "Don't worry about me Commander, I'm fine."

"I have to worry about you, you're apart of my team and we've already lost one." Kaidan was surprised how quickly Shepard rebut, and by his words; he actually means that... does it mean that he cares about Kaidan? No, it was just in his imagination. God, at this point, Kaidan was about to start screaming; not at anyone in particular, just to himself for being so confused in everything.

"Don't you have to say that to all your team members?" Kaidan asked trying to degrade himself since that's what he always does. Shepard shook his head 'No' which caught his attention.

"I don't, just for the ones that I need to say it to; you're the first." Kaidan didn't catch what Shepard had said there, but  
Ashley did; she felt slightly awkward listening into that conversation. So she decided to end it and move on. Shepard led the party of three to the dig site where the beacon was found, only to find a small band of Geth guarding the entrance of the ruins. After another brief fight, they were dead and Shepard was going up the ramps to the camp where the scientists were stationed. Ashley said the beacon was there earlier that morning, so it had to be moved by someone; hopefully not by the Geth.

"Oh God! They're still alive!" Kaidan cried out as they got to the top of the ramp. The Colonist, the Geth did something to them; they turned them into hideous... beasts. Quickly defeating the Husks, Shepard began looking around for any clue to suggest survivors. When Shepard went to the first mobile living pod and found nothing but some abandoned weapons, Kaidan finished bypassing the lock on the one next to Shepard's; Ashley was scouring the area for anything.

"Commander! I found survivors." He called out when he walked into the pod and found two of the researchers alive and well, for the most part at least.

"Humans. Thank the maker." Kaidan smiled, having been the one to find them. It gave him hope that others might have survived; something he needed at the moment.

"Hurry! Close the door! Before they come back!" The other doctor, next to the one who greeted him, cried out. Shepard and Ashley were just entering when he said that which made them question what they'd missed. Kaidan took off his helmet and gave his genuine smile to both doctors; they both needed some comfort. Shepard and Ashley watched the display Kaidan was giving; they both were starting to fall for Kaidan, Shepard having started already.

"Don't be scared. We are going to protect you; both of you." His mother always told him to be good, his father said to be nice; that was always their advice to him. And so he was, and even in the most darkest hour of need, that kindness shines through the darkness. That's why he played by the rules all the time, never getting out of line; it kept the good where it belonged and the evil away.

Thank you. I think we'll be okay. It looks like everyone's gone..." She said with solemn grimace. Kaidan was about to reply but Ashley got the better of him.

"You're Dr. Warren, the one in charge of the excavation. Do you know what happened to the beacon?" Ashley asked them, disregarding the fact that they were traumatized; Dr. Warren's assistant being the worse out of both of them. Kaidan fell back behind Ashley and Shepard, to lean against the wall.

"It was moved to the spaceport this morning. Manuel and I stayed behind to help pack up the camp," She paused recalling the events in her head.

"When the attack came, the marines... they held them off, long enough for us to hide. They gave their lives to save us..." Once again, Kaidan felt the need try and comfort them, only to be interrupted by Manuel. He just kept quiet and crossed his arms like he's supposed to.

"No one is saved! The age of humanity is ended. Soon, only ruins and corpses will remain."

"What's wrong with your assistant?" Shepard inquires; granted, Kaidan had heard of PTSD but this was starting to become crazy; he spoke of the apocalypse.

"Manuel has a brilliant mind, but he's always been a bit... unstable. Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin." Kaidan watched as Dr. Warren explained; he found it interesting in a way.

"Is it madness to see the future? To see the destruction rushing towards us? To understand there is no escape? No hope? No, I am not mad. I'm the only sane one left!"

"I gave him an extra dose of his medicine after the attack." She said after Manuel's tangent/speech thing. Kaidan stopped listening for a second; he thought he heard something, so he looked out the door.

"Would you like to say goodnight, Manuel?" Shepard asked in a sarcastic voice that instantly caught Kaidan's attention. He didn't like the sound of what was to come and he wasn't going to stand idly by. Everything happened so quickly; one minute, he was leaning against a metal walls, listening to the cries of birds and the crunching of dry leaves in the burning fires of what had come to the colony, the next, he was holding Shepard's arm back because, from what looked like, he was aiming to punch Manuel's face.

"Commander!" Kaidan couldn't believe what Shepard was doing. The man he knew out of all the stories, interviews, and reports, the man he respected was someone who only did what's right; it was apparent now that what he heard was exaggerated.

"What were you going to do!?" She cried out, looking at Shepard as if he was a monster. Ashley remained quiet throughout the entire ordeal; Kaidan was going to get court marshaled for what he did.

"Lieutenant! All I was doing was reaching for my Medi-gel!" Shepard said in anger, causing Kaidan to instantly jump back and release Shepard's arm. At that moment, he thought he had done something wrong, though later being told he did the right thing. Excepting defeat where it wasn't hinted by Shepard, he excited the pod.

The rest of the mission he remained quiet, only speaking towards the end when he couldn't hold back his fascination in the Prothean Beacon. After the camp, the battles some more before finding Nihlus dead; he was shot execution style in the back of the head. They found a survivor, a dock worker who was hiding behind crates of all things. He saw Nihlus being murdered; murdered by a fellow Turian Specter named Saren. After a moment chatting, they continued on their mission, only finding more Geth in the process. Shepard ordered Kaidan to use his Overload on the bigger Geth, later classified as the Geth Destroyer.

The fighting lasted for only a few short moments before Shepard activated the tram controls. The entire time on the tram, Kaidan could feel Shepard's eyes burning large, fiery wholes in his body. He wished to have not done what he did; he wished he trusted Shepard to do the right thing. He's not one to trust easily... he thinks of the worst scenario first, then reacts accordingly. He looked to Ashley for help, but all she could do was shake her head slowly; she understood Kaidan's reasoning, but she thought that the way he tried to stop Shepard was wrong.

As soon as the tram reached the next station, they were intercepted by more Geth... and were introduced to a new threat; demolition charges. Saren and the Geth where planning to level the colony! He and Ashley provided cover for Shepard while he diffused the bombs. At the last one, John was almost finished when a Geth Destroyer jumped him from behind a large crate. Ashley screamed out Kaidan's name along with John, but they had nothing to loose. Surprised at first, he got shot in the arm. After a short scream, Kaidan started shining blue, and shot the Destroyer straight into the air with his Pull.

"Kaidan, are you alright?" Shepard asked as he came over from the last diffused bomb. Without a word, he looked away and nodded as he applied Medi-gel quickly on the wound. Taking the hint, Shepard helped Kaidan up and they continued to the beacon.

After another quick fight between them, the Geth and the Husks, it was over; they had what they wanted; they had the beacon. They did have it, but then as Kaidan was examining it, hell broke loose. Instantly, he no longer could control his body as he began being pulled to it, but then John saved his life, risking his own.

That's how they got on board the Normandy and why Kaidan waited in the Med bay; he felt obligated to wait. He felt as if he was the reason for getting him hurt. "Doctor? Dr. Chakwas! I think he's waking up."


	2. Visiting the Citadel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait but here's chapter 2! Hope you all enjoy. It may seem confusing and it's kind of meant to, but over time you'll understand what I'm doing. Love you all!

**John**

"That was a waste of time. They knew their answer before the hearing ever begun." John said bluntly after probably the longest argument of political bullshit in history. He was so glad that it finally ended; any longer and he would have lost it. At one moment during the meeting, he almost did, but he had Kaidan who was able to stop him from doing something he truly would have regretted, and he was very grateful for it.

Throughout the entire meeting, Kaidan had remained quiet and luckily didn't have to answer any questions about why he was the one to basically cause the destruction of the Beacon; not that John blamed him, they all shared a part the blame. It really didn't bother him nor surprise him since he had prompt, both Kaidan and Ashley, to remain silent unless asked to speak, but Kaidan, he was honorable. He never did anything wrong, until Eden Prime and everything going to hell and all; Shepard knew that. His record was already already tainted, if Shepard could predict the future, Kaidan wouldn't let that taint spread any further than it already had.

As time went by, Saren's bothersome insults had pushed John to the edge with all of the constant slander, and it was about to get ugly. Hadn't it been for Kaidan stopping at the last moment, he most likely would have shot the hologram and then started screaming at the Councilors for protecting that vile, disgustingly persuasive Turian bastard. Kaidan saved him; figuratively and probably literally, as well. He needed to let out steam, and was going to do so through horrid words, but Kaidan grabbed his arm softly and didn't allow him to. It was the first time he didn't blow up because someone was challenging him; had it been someone else, he would have started his rampage, but something about Kaidan's touch... The strangest thing happened to him, he felt... no longer furious; the touch warmed his heart slightly, but then was immediately replaced with the cool air of the room as Kaidan removed his hand. He didn't really think about it at the time after it occurred because of Saren and the annoying Councilors, but afterwards, it made him curious.

"It was a mistake bringing you into that hearing, Captain. You and Saren have too much history. It made the Council question our motives." Ambassador Udina said quite rudely.

"I know Saren... He's working for the Geth for one reason: to exterminate the entire human race. Every colony we have is at risk. Every world we control is in danger. Even Earth isn't safe." Anderson said as he massaged his eyes with his hand, looking down towards the ground slightly. He seemed tired of speaking Saren's name and, in the end, who could blame him? It was starting to get on everybody's nerves.

"What's our next step?" John asked as he watched the two men standing before him.

John didn't understand how they can work together as they do. They never liked each other that much, let alone tried to. At one point, he literally tried to put them in a pen to see who would win though he thought that in an hour, they would have probably killed one another. But, that didn't happen. They always managed to work together in a professional atmosphere which always made him curious. How'd they not rip each other to pieces yet? Anderson being a war hero and Udina being a politician, they both were kind and respectable men, but Anderson was more free and open minded. Udina though, was always more strict and straight forward; he never saw how sometimes you had to break some rules for different scenarios. Udina was never one of them, soldiers that is, so he'll never understand them and their mind set. He will always see the rules as black and white, and not the grey that lie in between them as John and Anderson did.

"Excuse me, Captain. Before you continue," John was surprised to hear the next voice that was heard. He turned around to see Kaidan standing behind him, looking at Captain Anderson.

"Lieutenant?" Anderson asked.

"Permission to be relieved of duty for the allotted time requested?" Kaidan asked eloquently, as usual. John wasn't aware Kaidan had asked for shore leave, he had planned to take him and Ashley throughout the wards to show them around since he knew neither of them had been on the Citadel prior. Not really for a pleasure trip, more like so they could could upgrade their things; only the best would do for the battle against the Saren.

John knew a lot about the Citadel, having lived on it for years because of his job and not exactly having a home elsewhere. But, no matter how much he knew about the Citadel, he would never know nor see every knick and cranny of the station because of its massive size.

"Permission granted Lt. Report back at 0600 tomorrow."  

"Yes sir." And with that, Kaidan nodded, saluting his commanding officers and began to walk away from them towards the elevator.

"That's a model soldier, Captain." Udina said. Shepard continued watching Kaidan until he was in the elevator and had left the room, he couldn't help but look at his butt slightly even though he thought it wrong. Something was wrong with him though, why does he feel... better yet, what does he feel?

"Shepard?" John looked towards Anderson and nodded that he was listening. Back to the task at hand; that sly bastard.

"Being a Spectre, Saren's virtually untouchable. We need to find a way to expose him." Shepard nodded as he began to think; he agreed to having to expose him, but how? It's not like incriminating evidence pops out of nowhere. They had to search for it, but where to start...

"Garrus!" John turned to Ashley who was standing behind him, wishing she hadn't said that so loudly.

"Williams?" Anderson looked to Ashley as she looked to Shepard. He nodded to her and she began to speak.

"Garrus, that C-Sec investigator, we saw him arguing with the executor," She paused, remembering all the details from earlier. He remembered everything and would help if she needed it but she seemed on top of things at the moment.

"He was asking for more time to finish his report. He might have found something on Saren!" John agreed with every word she said, it was a good place to start since they didn't have any other leads to go by.

"Any ideas on where to find him?" He asked, looking to Anderson and Udina. They usually had these answers from god knows where but as long as the information was reliable, he didn't care where. As long as it got the job done.

"I have a contact within C-Sec who can help track Garrus down. His name his Harkin."

"Forget it. Harkin was suspended last month; drinking on the job. I won't waste my time on him." Anderson said exactly the moment Udina finished what he was saying. John agreed with his commanding officer... but he also did with the Ambassador for at least seeing what he knows; couldn't hurt, hell, Harkin might actually be useful.

"You won't have to. I don't want the Council using your past history with Saren as an excuse to ignore anything we turn up. Shepard will handle this with his team."

"With all do respect Ambassador, you can't just cut Captain Anderson out of the investigation." John says, sticking up for his friend. Just because Anderson was John's commanding officer didn't mean they have to be enemy's or just plain out anti-social. No, they were friends ever since Shepard was young, when he first joined the Alliance. He always remembered how Anderson took care of him throughout the years; by now, Anderson was more like a second father than a friend since he was... well, left alone for those several long years after his parents' deaths. Anderson helped him rebuild his life from the ground up; he owed him everything.

"No... the Ambassador's right, Shepard. I need to step aside." After a second of comprehending what Anderson had said, he nodded and smiled slightly.

"I need to take care of some business. Captain, meet me in my office later." Udina said before walking away before either one of them could respond. "

Well that was rude." Ashley said from behind.

"You get used to it." John said.

"It's still rude none the less. Harkin's probably getting drunk at Chora's Den. It's a dingy little club in the lower section of the wards."

"I thought you said he was a drunken loser." John said with a small chuckle.

"It couldn't hurt to go talk to him. Just be careful, I wouldn't call him exactly reliable." Anderson said.

"Well then, I guess I should start my investigating." John said before walking away, towards the elevator with Ashley to the right of him. This was going to be a long couple of days.

John was a stubborn person, like a lot of commanders who wanted the best for their captain; he wasn't going to give up until they searched every nook and cranny possible for the evidence they needed. As they went down the elevator, they started talking about the meeting, making jokes about the Councilors. Every word they said, they didn't mean of course, but it was just something to lighten the mood. Ashley was a little surprised at John's light hearted nature, from what she saw on Eden Prime, she thought he was going to be hard and relatively cold person; she was so wrong. They excited the elevator and walked to the fast travel station; they were heading to the Lower markets.

* * *

 

  **Kaidan**

"Captain Anderson,"

"Yes Lieutenant?"

"Requesting several hours of shore leave after the hearing." Kaidan had asked Anderson as he joined him in the CIC before they left the Normandy. They were preparing to go to Ambassador Udina's office to discuss the matters of the case before the actual meeting.

Shepard was still in the locker area, down in the hangar when Kaidan left to speak with Anderson and he was thankful for that. He didn't want to be around Shepard that much; he wanted everything to blow over with the least amount of conflict possible and to do that, he was convinced that removing himself from the equation was the best course. He tried his best to never do anything wrong, but somehow, what he did always managed to haunt him and return to bite him in the ass. So, he learned to do what he was told and with hold any feeling; with hold any opinion; anything that could bring him more heartache and pain. He wasn't weak, don't think that; he's just someone who hates fighting. He wishes for peace to the Galaxy; amongst people, species, everyone.

When it came to his job, fighting against others, he was always slightly reserved about because he always thought about their families, but as of Eden Prime, that changed. After witnessing all the death and murderous ways of the Geth, he know knew that if he had to, he would kill every last bastard who was capable of such horrid deeds.

"Is everything alright?" He asked as they walked to the bridge airlock. Joker bowed his head in salute as they walked through; Kaidan smiled slightly and nodded back.

"Yes Captain, but I just feel that I need some time to recollect myself after the last mission."

"I understand Lt. Remind me after the meeting; right now I can only think about the meeting ahead."

"Thank you sir." Kaidan had said just as Shepard walked onto the bridge.

Throughout the entire meeting, Kaidan cringed at all the slander coming from Saren all the while, making sure Shepard didn't explode in rage. After Eden Prime, he read up on his new commander; short tempered, cold, resourceful and highly awarded for his success but nothing that mentioned anything about actual personality. No articles, new broadcasts, just well organized reports on successful missions.

Just like most the people on board, he believed Shepard to be exactly what his file said, so he made sure to keep an eye out for him. Otherwise, he didn't do anything that could have compromised him and when the meeting was over, he did what Anderson had told him and soon, he was back on the Normandy, dressed in civilian clothes leaving for his leave. He made sure to grab his wallet and his small satchel that, back several weeks weeks ago, he used to transport his belongings from his last position to his new one on the Normandy.

He let Joker know he was going and had asked if he wanted anything from one of the various shops in the markets but he happily declined. He didn't have any money to repay him because he blew his last pay check on his extensive collection of elicit videos. Seven zettabytes now, how can someone own that much porn? He wondered what his mother would say if he had a stockpile of porn like Joker. She probably would be surprised, there's no doubt about that, but what she'd do is something he would never know. His father though, that was an easy one. Being the 'by the rules' kind of guy he is, he would be extremely mad at the least but anyway, all the thinking about it reminded him that he was overdue to write to them. So he decided that he would call them later on instead, he wanted to hear their voices anyway.

Walking away from his life, his home even, he caught a sky-car near by and when he was asked where he wanted to be taken, he said the Upper Markets. He heard about the serenity that came from the beautiful stars and twinkling lights from the large cities on each arm of the Citadel; maybe it would help him think better. Maybe even help him understand things better than he once did before.

* * *

  

They're some pretty colorful and relatively sketchy people on the Citadel. Just walking through the lower markets, Kaidan saw at least five different people doing dealings of drugs and illegal weapons. It wasn't very surprising for him; every great civilization had it's flaws and everyone knew that. From the small gangs to the corrupt, high and mighty, it's a fragile ecosystem, government that is. Though, that's what C-Sec is for, to keep the balance; too much crime and corruption and everything goes haywire.

Climbing the stairs, Kaidan glanced over to his right and saw a C-Sec guard peering over the banister down into the Lower Market. He chuckled softly and shook his head as he continued browsing; leave it up to C-Sec to be the sore thumb in a crowd. Then again, they're in their standard armor so even if he wasn't leaning over like an idiot, he would still be a sore thumb. For some reason though, Kaidan slightly envied them. Not that he dislikes his life, though on occasions it does get rough and all, it's just, they know what's coming the next day. At a desk, at a post, checking identities, that sort of stuff. With being a soldier, you don't know what's next, who lives and who dies...

Kaidan, with his bag at hand, walked toward the banister facing the giant windows, overlooking all the arms that comprised the Citadel. Looking out to see all the stars and, in this case, all the twinkling lights from the wards and beautiful ships flying gracefully through space made Kaidan feel insignificant slightly. He began thinking about Jenkins; he didn't deserve to die the way he did. He was so young, had a full life ahead of him. Kaidan had never witnessed a coworker's death until Eden Prime, and he didn't exactly know how to feel about it. So many emotions filled him: pain, despair, responsibility... he felt as if it was his fault for doing something he didn't do. He did what he was told and an accident occurred in the line of duty, that happens from time to time. But, how can you not feel responsible for the death of someone else literally less than five feet away? Granted, he never knew Jenkins apart from their brief conversations they shared and the words of encouragement, but Jenkins basically worshipped Kaidan. He tried to be exactly like him; kind and sincere, understanding and obedient, it gave Jenkins pleasure to try, but he never knew why. He never understood why people were drawn to him. He was a quiet fellow who kept to himself. What's so good about a man like that?

Heh, why would anyone like someone like that? Being that his records were sealed just like Shepard's, no one ever knew about his past; the abuse that tried to break him and the pain that tried to weaken him. No one knew about his problems afterward Jump Zero either because it was never recorded, but one could guess that it wasn't easy. The thing people like about him, was the person he had become, not the person he truly was. And it hurts him everyday because of it; he likes his life because it helps others, but when it comes to himself, it's a little to be desired.

"Is that really... wow! It's you!" Kaidan moaned slightly in annoyance hear some loud guy screaming in excitement. He rolled his eyes slightly as he stood up straight and turned around to examine the area around him. It was only then when he realized who was standing next to the loud guy; Commander Shepard and Ashley, the last people he wanted to see at this point. He already was in an iffy mood, adding Shepard would only make things worse. It was nothing towards him personally, Kaidan respected Shepard highly, but... it, he felt weird around him. Adding the scolding he was waiting to receive, he wanted none of that.

"Your Commander Shepard, the hero of Eden Prime! I am so honored to meet you!" Picking up his small shopping bag, he quickly began to walk away from his spot overlooking the beautiful cities and in the direction of C-Sec and the Medical Clinic. He couldn't go to fast, otherwise he's attract unwanted and frankly, unfriendly eyes. He noticed people looking at him as he shopped, and it made him slightly uneasy being his first time on the Citadel.

"Nice to meet you. And you..." He heard Shepard say before stepping into the clinic to hide.

The closing of the doors cut off the last part of his sentence but that didn't mean anything now; in the haste of trying to avoid Shepard and Ashley, he blindly walked into the middle of a hold up. And before he knew it, a loud sound ripped through the air, and he was on the ground, his arm in excruciating pain. His vision was blurry, but there was no doubt to him that there was a lot of blood; he could see the edges of the pool with undefined edges, growing in size by the moment.

Despite his sight, his hearing remained in perfect function, and he listened as the obvious men pulled a female to the back of the clinic. She was definitely Russian with her thick and distinct accent, the men being of other ethnic backgrounds. But the one person he couldn't place was the one who entered quietly underneath all the sounds of bickering and demanding from the men. He didn't hear the doors open nor close into the clinic, but he could hear the soft, careful footsteps of the person who entered when they drew near.

Unknown to him who entered, he started to crawl towards the one thing he knew was in the room; the partition wall that divided the waiting area from the patient area. Thinking rationally, it offered more protection than being out in the open, bleeding out. The one thing that happened more and more frequently was that, when something went wrong during a situation like the current one, the injured people who could be hostages would always end up dead. As he dragged himself to better cover, he felt a soft hand on his back.

"Are you alright?" Kaidan was glad that the guy who came in was friendly, he could tell from the voice since it's kind of hard to miss the masculinity in it, but at that point, he didn't care who it was. He was too busy trying to drag himself too care.

 He nodded and watched in his fragile state as the guy stealthily made his way to the pillar at the end of the half-wall he was trying to get to. The guy was Turian from the looks of his armor, definitely C-Sec.

Right as Kaidan was able to somehow prop himself up against the half-wall, he watched as the doors opened and for once in the last several days, he was great full for who he saw: Shepard, and Ash. He watched as thy rushed in, pulling out their weapons to aid the person who came in before them and after Kaidan. He had no clue to who the person was; all he knew was that he was C-Sec but that was the best he could do. He couldn't turn his head without wanting to scream from the pain in his arm.

After a quick fire fight between the criminals and Shepard, Ashley and the mystery male, lasting less than five minutes, he cringed as Shepard helped him up from the floor and to one of the several patient beds in back. Shepard apologized softly as he placed him down on the bed.

Kaidan remained quiet as Shepard, the doctor and apparently Garrus, that investigator from early, talk about he events that took place. Apparently those men were under orders from a man named Fist, a very dangerous gang leader in the lower wards. He wondered why she had dealings with such a person but in the end, he decided to just let it be. She was too shaken up from everything to be in any conspiracy. She literally forgot all about Kaidan until he was forced to speak up because he felt like he was about to faint from the loss of blood.

" Dr..." Kaidan hadn't heard her name and he felt just asking for her to help him without using her name would be rude.

"Michel." She replied not bothering to look back at him which kind of hurt him. He was shot for crying out loud and she didn't even remember that, nor anyone else. He felt as if he should just pass out, let them deal with everything after that since technically it's there jobs to do so but... in the end he decided not to do it; he wasn't a spiteful person and he wasn't going to start now.

"Dr. Michel, I- I" He paused, unable to figure out what to say. The entire situation was slightly embarrassing for him and very awkward. Kaidan didn't know exactly how to tell her 'Help me, I was shot.' In these instants, usually the doctor knew these things so how would he just reminder her?

"Shit, doctor!" Shepard exclaimed after he saw him clutching his shoulder and the blood pooling on the floor and patient bed.

"Oh my!" She gasped before racing to his side. She apologized and helped him undo his bloody jacket and shirt. At first though, she had asked him to remove them, for which he glared at her slightly, then she realized how stupid it was to ask that and helped him. He accepted her apology, with no resentment or anguish, but it didn't make him feel any better what so ever.

All the while she was helping him, she continued answering Garrus and Shepard's questions which slightly annoyed him. He thought a patient came first, but that obviously wasn't true. People, especially Kaidan, could tell when a women likes someone and is trying to provoke them, but from Dr. Michel, if it were water, she would be drowning in it. After a while it got annoying to him, especially when girls would try to hit on him but he never let it show it. He never liked hurting other people's feelings so he just said he was already taken and tried to make it so that they could be friends.

Kaidan hissed and cringed as she she began to clean the blood away from his body. The antibacterial wipe was first off, cold, and she started directly on the wound and made her way down. He wanted to scream slightly because of how much it stung, but he bit his tung, and just dealt with it by clenching his fist, tightly. He noticed how her eyes traveled up and down his frame, and he felt extremely uncomfortable, but no one saw it or at least he thought no one did. Out of all the things he had to do with his free time, he had to get shot. He couldn't just go to a bar, get drunk and flirt up some girls, no, he had to get shot! But then again, he had to be in the mood to be a part of that crowd and right now, he just wants to get the hell out of that clinic.

"Kaidan, what were you doing here?" Shepard asked randomly, casting his gaze towards Kaidan's wound. He was grateful someone was talking to him, but the question could have been better; how could he tell his commander that he was trying to avoid him? So, he quickly thought of a little white lie to tell Shepard and for Garrus since he had to make a report anyway.

"I thought someone was following me. I duct in here trying to avoid a conflict but, you can see what happened." He didn't feel terrible for lying even though he was told never to do it. Was it really a lie anyway? It was more like he withheld some details. Lies are something that have at least something worth getting upset about, and all he did was just twisted his words to not give the hint that he was trying to avoid Shepard.

"How is he? Shepard turns to the doctor.

"For what I can see, there's no nerve damage. The pain will go away within a couple of days." She said softly.

"You know I can hear you, right?" Kaidan asked slightly annoyed. Dr. Michel didn't reply. Instead she just walked away to get some gauze and something to wrap the wound. She was literally ransacking the cabinets to try and find them as quickly as possible. It was Shepard who actually found them literally next to them; she had them out before everything occurred apparently. She giggled a really annoying giggle as she came back and began addressing the wound once more. Again he winced at her touch on his wound, but this time Shepard saw it for sure.

"Dr. Michel, can you be more careful?" He said to Dr. Michel.  

"I'm fine," 

"The hell you are," Shepard said before pausing. "You're injured..."

"Your lucky to be alive Lieutenant." Garrus added to the conversation. Kaidan knew that he was 'lucky', but he didn't exactly care. He survived worse in his life, so this was nothing. Though, he wished he cared. It reminded him of everything that happened in his past, all of it more terrible than the last, none of it worth remembering. Too many painful memories surrounded his past; he only wants to move on from them.

"He's right. It would have went straight through the your heart, having not been two inches to the right." She said.

"Then lucky for me." Kaidan said in his teeth because he was trying to hold in a scream. When Shepard had asked her to be more careful, immediately, she got more rough!

"Lieutenant," The doctor said before he stopped her from talking and touching him. He felt as if he was in more pain than when he initially got shot.

"Like you care!" He snapped at her, and instantly he regretted it.

Shepard and Ashley were surprised at how he was acting, and in side, he hated it, but he couldn't help it; it just came out without warning. She was just doing her job after all and didn't deserve the attitude he was giving her despite she was hurting him, most-likely unintentionally or at least he hoped.

He apologized instantly for his manners and said he was under some stress. She understood completely, saying how that week was so busy and she barely had time to rest. She was about to close for the evening when everything happened; he apologized once more for having ruined her evening. Even when he was young, he always felt the need to, but then again, he always felt like he did something wrong to warrant him doing so.

That's what happens when people bully others for so many years, it begins to sink in and affect people's mental states. It's not that it really bothered him anymore anyway, though on rare occasions he had little brake downs on top of his migraines, but no one ever saw that part of him. He always ran to the bathroom or some place secluded to hide until he felt better.

"Alright Lieutenant. You're ready to-"

"What's wrong Doctor?" Shepard asked, looking past Garrus. He was talking with him along with Ashley on some questions about Saren when he over heard what she was saying.

"Lieutenant, wh- when did you get this?" She asked as she brushed her hand over the long scar that ran diagonally down his back. Kaidan stood up quickly before Shepard could get to where they were. He didn't want to answer that question, so he wasn't. He didn't want to tell how Vyrnnus used Rahna to get him and when he did, he was tortured until he was able to kill the drones imprisoning him.

He put on his shirt as quickly as he could as she watched in confusion. Though in extreme pain because she hasn't give him a Medi gel patch, he managed okay. Luckily, he bought a new button down shirt, leather jacket and pants with the money from his last paycheck. He needed something else to wear when on leave since he didn't exactly have much to bring with him, so he figured to splurge a little; a little self-indulgence never hurt anybody anyway.

"Thank you Dr. M-Michel." Kaidan said, gasping slightly from moving his arm to fast before picking up his bag and walking out of the clinic.

When he passed Shepard, he couldn't understand his face. His eyes showed nothing but sincerity and something else he couldn't place while his face had confusion plastered all over it. Ashley on the other hand was an open book; she was confused but sad. Compared to Shepard, she seemed to understand what had happened better. To him, women always seemed to understand things better than men could; explains why he liked talking to women better.

As he walked through the upper market, people looked at him with a strange look but he wasn't surprised. He had to walk slightly slower than most but that wasn't what gavd him away. It was the fact that the smell of blood lingered around him; also he was extremely pale.

Anyway, all he wanted to do now was get a drink and sleep. He read that Purgatory was a nice bar and gambling place from one of the guides he saw; very popular with the Ambassadors and high ranking officials. It was more expensive than Chora's Den, but he felt it wasn't as trashy; he wasn't into the kinky, exotic dancer stuff that Chora's Den offered. He always said to himself, simplicity is the best policy, and he meant that.

He stopped in front of the Fast transit station and called for a cab, and right as it came, he jumped. Shepard had followed him there. It didn't bother him at all but he wondered why. Apparently, Chora's Den was closed for the day because of venting problems so they had some free time. Shepard didn't know that he already was going drinking, but he asked if he wanted to go with him, making a joke how a shot of liquor always helped to end a rough day. He couldn't help but laugh, and despite all his efforts not to, he finally went with Shepard.


	3. Citadel Conspiracy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait. Hopefully I can get more chapters up with my spare time now since School ended. I'll try.

**Garrus**

"Hmmm... Alenko... Alenko... Alenko, were are you. Ah, there's something." Garrus says to himself as he browses his all sources available; the extranet, his files, etc; to hopefully answer the mystery of Kaidan Alenko.

Now that he's working with Commander Shepard, he wants to know more about his 'new' coworkers. Not enough information to make anything weird or anything, that's borderline stalking; no, he wanted to know just enough to help him understand and get along with these... humans. They're nothing less than an 'interesting race of being', at least to all the other species that is, including him...

Sure he's worked with humans before, being Citadel Security and all, but still. They're still new to the Galaxy which frightens most. So far they've shown many characteristics, all that interested him. He's seen those who are dedicated, kind, diligent, a paragon if you will, and he's seen those who are vile and black at heart; a true renegade.

But then again, all life is like that. There is always a good and a bad. He couldn't help but feel intrigued with the fact of how many humans use the extranet for communications with one another. Turian society is more personal when it comes to meeting others; he and his peers always found going to places and meeting others more enjoyable, instead of just prying information out of people in 'chat rooms', or whatever the humans called them. It's not like they were in rooms together, so why were they called that? It always confused Garrus.

Everyone of the crew were easy to find whether they were on blogs, dating websites or just random works posted to the extranet, except two. Kaiden was the hardest to find information about, folowed  by Shepard, thought it was significantly easier. The only references of him were between various Alliance personnel; probably on leave he thought each time he found something. Back home, it's basically treason for mentioning anything about the military, online, in fear of 'giving away information that could potentially hinder the fleet and army. So, why Alliance members had these conversations, let alone online where billions could read them, made him question the security of the Alliance, but that wasn't the point of his search.

As he searched, he kept in mind how personnel accounts are usually the worst things go off of. Working for C-Sec though taught him that some times, they could be quite useful. And anyway, people have the right to their opinions as long as it doesn't endanger the life of someone else, or that's at least what he believe.

He was shocked when he saw all the things written about the Commander. Everything he read said that he was hard and rude, impulsive, and some other explicative choice phrases. But that's not what he's seen in the last twenty-four hours. Many wrote the same things, but the Shepard he's seen is different; he does what's best for everyone, not just himself. Garrus has known his fair share of people who could be called cold and heartless, none of which could be compared to Shepard. For example, the infamous late General Vyrnnus, not someone you could call 'just'. He apparently died in combat though, so, jut like every deceased military personnel, he got his due.

Anyways, out of all the people in Shepard's entourage, if you want to call it that, Kaidan was the one that grabbed his interest the most. Every time he came close to finding something on Kaidan, something would go wrong. His Omni tool would crash, his computer would just shut down, things like that. It was strange to him, aggravating, and that made it just the reason he was going to keep on trying. It's not like he didn't have time to spare now.

Yesterday after Kaidan left the medical clinic, he had asked to join Shepard's team, to take down Fist. He was overjoyed inside that Shepard said yes, but he kept it at a professional level of course.

He wiped off his forehead with a towel one of the crew had given him earlier; he was frustrated and sweaty. He needed to do something besides sit on the floor of the of the docking bay, and watch everyone working. So, he decided to tinker a little. Yesterday, he and Shepard had agreed that it would be easier if he stayed on the Normandy to help with the case reports; all fine and dandy except for the fact that there were none to do. No new evidence had become present, no new witnesses, literally nothing.

He searched over all of his past evidence, hoping that he overlooked something to help Shepard, but nothing was found on Fist or Saren, since that was the main goal. It seems that everything at that point relied on getting to the Quarian that Dr. Michel had mentioned after Fist's goons were taken care of. That Quarian could either make or break the case against Saren and his treason. Fist's involvement was just another step to that goal.

"Garrus, we picked up a new friend in C-Sec." He heard over his communicator, making him jump slightly since a moment ago he was deep in thought about Kaidan. He chuckled before replying.

"When you say friend, why do I feel like it's someone who could kill us all in a moments notice?" He joked.

"Well, probably because he may, or may not. It depends on how things go."

"Uh,"

"I'm only joking,"

"Oh, thank god." He let out the biggest sigh ever, or at least, it felt like it.

"But technically he could, being a Krogan Warlord." Shepard added before ending their little chat. Garrus felt uneasy, Turians and Krogan, not a good combination. But, he had to put his trust in that he knew what he was doing.

It didn't surprise him that a Krogan Warlord was after Fist. He didn't physically need to hear it either, he just knew; it made sense. Joining Saren obviously had to burn down a couple of bridges, and being that the bridge burnt down was the Shadow Broker, he hired that Krogan to get back at Fist. It was simple logic to him; Krogan like war and violence, so it makes them the best mercenaries; they always win.

Despite his mandate to take Fist in however, it would be less paperwork if he was taken out. He didn't exactly believe in that kind of stuff but in this case, he thought to allow it. Due process and the courts, that's what he believed in, but rule of thumb, you never get on a Krogan's bad side. And everyone knew that, probably yet another reason why Shepard thought it best to take in this 'new friend'.

He sighed and looked to his Omni tool for a second debating whether or not to try again. He didn't know what to expect beside his tool failing, but it could work. He liked to be optimistic with technology so... he decided to try again.

"Kaidan Alenko." He spoke into his Omni Tool once more, and like the last several times, it crashed for an unknown reason.

"Damn it!" He yelled loudly, making the crew working around him turn to see what his problem was. He automatically looked back to the Mako, he thought 'if you cannot see them, they can't see you'; if only that's how life worked.

"Doing background checks on my crew are we?" A friendly voice came to ear as he started rebooting his Omni Tool. Garrus looked over and saw Captain Anderson standing just above him with a small smile. He stood up slowly to be level with him, it was the polite and respectful thing to do.

"Of course I was, no. I was just browsing the extranet to learn more about everyone. You know, so it would be easier to talk to my new coworkers." Garrus replied slightly sarcastic, in a joking manner. Despite being relatively quiet, he wasn't short of a personality. Within his small group of friends, he was quite the jokester who loved to play little pranks on his friends. Nothing ever remotely dangerous though, like gluing glass to anyone's ass or pushing someone down the stairs; that's what all the jocks did to those who were different.

"Or, you could just go talk to them. My crew don't bite. And they'll be able to tell you more about themselves than any generated profile could." He coulbn't help but rub his neck slightly while chuckling softly; that would be easier in the end but...Not everyone is like Anderson and Shepard. Shepard's kind and easy to talk to, Anderson's a cool guy, both unlike some people he know, but that's ancient history.

"Yeah..." "You're afraid of them not accepting you?"

"No sir, I-"

"Please, call me Anderson. You don't have to be so formal when speaking freely, you know." He said, before walking next to Garrus and leaning against the Mako.

"Sorry. Speaking was never one of my strong points."

"I understand. It gets easier in time though."

"Yeah, explains a lot." He said as he stared off into space for a moment before returning his mind to Anderson.

"Sorry."

"You have a family, Garrus?"

"No, all I have is a younger sister, if you can count that as having a 'family'."

"Well, we're your 'new' family Garrus. You don't have to be afraid of talking to us. And, maybe we could meet that sister of yours, one day." He said before leaning back up and flattening out his clothes even though they weren't at all, creased. He thought it was probably just a human thing, being that they are the new combers of the galactic community. They probably just want to be taken seriously, but then again, who didn't? Almost every species at one point were new and wanted to be respected by their peers; he knew that feeling too well.

"She would like that." He loved his little sister so much, he only wished he could spend more time with her, but, duty calls in the life of a soldier. She was so funny and understand; someone he could always count on when things were in the dumps.

She was twelve the last time he saw her; she's sixfteen now. He writes to her every couple of weeks, but he doesn't remember what she looks like, let alone sounds like. Granted yes, he got the occasional family pictures that made him cry every now and then, but that wasn't the same to physically being there with them, experiencing the things they do, the jokes they make.

"Oh, and by the way, everything that you're looking for is sealed. Everytime he's mentioned, the page is corrupt. Even I haven't seen his personal files within the Alliance, except the reports of missions that are nonconfidential." Anderson said before walking away from him. It broke Garrus' thought on his sister, and before Anderson was gone, he wanted to say something.

"Captain Anderson," He stopped in his mid step.

"Thanks."

"Anything for family." Anderson said before continuing to the elevator.

When the doors finally closed, Garrus realized he was staring. He blinked once, then turned back to the work he started on the Mako. He was improving the shields since the shield capacitor was a slightly older model. He began to think, and then it hit him, he realized why he could talk to them with ease. Both of them, he's known from the past.

Anderson, he met several years ago during an investigation with C-Sec. That was the biggest bust of his career, all thanks to Anderson. Anderson went undercover as a corrupt Alliance official, which was completely different than what he actually is, and helped him gather information on a huge weapons deal in the Zakera Ward. He wondered how he forgot about that, but then he remembered why. Because working at C-Sec, you almost never get a break.

But, Shepard... no, he could never forget him. He heard little things about Shepard, in the news sometimes; the last time he heard something, it was right after the Skyllian Blitz. Reporters were asking survivors about their experience, soldiers about the enemy. The reporters had found a little girl, no older than ten, clutching a small doll in one of the destroyed shops that had been burned out during the first waves of attacks. She apparently had gotten lost when people were scurrying to find safety, and she was separated from her parents.

All the reporters were bombarding her with questions, wanting her statement on the attack; they wanted to use her as a martyr for relief fundraising. But instead of answering their questions, she cried. After all that happened, the questions weren't helping her; she was traumatized from what happened.

Every time he thought of that, he could still hear her voice in his head; her cries for her mommy and daddy. And that was just from a live broadcast. But then, he showed up.

At that time, Shepard was barely known to the Galaxy, but after that, everyone wouldn't forget him. He must of heard the girl's cry from a far, because when he got to her, it got ugly fast. Shepard at first told them to leave her alone kindly, explaining what she was going through, but when they refused, he began to threaten them. Not with a weapon or anything, but just with a punch or something like that.

After that, he helped the girl find her parents, never letting them get to her or him. Despite everything he heard from others, after seeing that broadcast, he couldn't believe it. He thought that if someone was willing to help a poor little girl, he couldn't be what they said. So, he kept his hopes high.

He seemed nice when they met the other day, when they were talking about what they were up against. He couldn't help but notice his worry for Alenko; they must be good friends. He can't be what they say.

Looking at his Omni tool one more time, he shook his head slightly before turning it off. He was someone who almost never took risks; someone who calculated everything before they did it. Everything, to him, had to be within reason before he decided to do it, but something Anderson said... He didn't know anything about Kaidan, but he didn't mind it now. After talking to Anderson, after seeing how kind he was, he felt something... something he never felt before; Confidence.

* * *

 

**Shepard *earlier that morning***

_Running through a field, a field of gold and an aroma... Something sweet, like fresh honey from a yellow bee's hive, the same on Earth, or at least he's heard. The same smell that he's grown use to over his years as an adventurous youth. And that same field, that smell, the thing that he used to run through for joy and just to dream, about his future, anything really, was now the one thing that was between him and a nightmare._

_But why here? And why now? Mindoir was never a popular place for travel, not wealthy in resources, nor a place of recognition, but it was beautiful. With beautiful fields, thriving forests, and sparkling seas. Why Mindoir?_

_As they ran, they heard the shouting men and aliens as they rounded up their prey. Gun shots rung through the air, barely louder than the screams of agony coming from their home. They thought they could get away, but they were wrong._

_"Men! We have a runner!" They heard loudly as they continued to run as fast as they could. He looked back to his mother who followed at arms length as the stalks of wheat past her; she was petrified._

_"Come on, mom!" He yelled to her as he continued to pull her along. He could feel her pulling away, but he wouldn't let that happen. After what he saw, he couldn't loose his mother now. Otherwise, he wouldn't know how to live; every breath taken would be shallow; every dream he had would be as if they never existed. His mother was his life, and soul._

_"Come out, come out where ever you are!"_

_"We're going to make it!" They saw the sea cliff at the end of the casts fields that surrounded them; the scent of honey being replaced by the smell of strong salt._

_"There you are."_

"Mom!" Shepard yelled into the darkness of the crew quarters.

For a moment, he didn't realize where he was until his silent alarm started blinking. Every morning he got up early to start his day, and to do that, he programmed his Omni Tool to flash several times.

Breathing heavily, he looked around the room with his tear filled eyes. That day still haunts him like it was yesterday. He could still smell the fresh honey on the wind and still hear the screams from helpless men, women, and children. He could still see his mother's cold corpse lying on the ground before he jumped over the cliff into the sea...

He sighed while wiping away his immature tears. No one moved nor stired in their bunks; they must not have heard him and he was grateful for that. He never liked to be seen in such a state; he thought it would make him look weak to others, and he couldn't let that happen. He had to be strong, it was his job; he couldn't afford to be weak. Not with anything nor anyone.

Standing up from his bunk, he grabbed his work attire and towel from their respected placed in the drawers underneath his bunk. The one thing he needed more of than sleep, was a nice, freezing cold shower, and some time to vent out his feelings where no on could see. This didn't happen often, but when it did, if he didn't do anything about it, it would only get worse. The only person who knew about the reoccurring nightmares, to a small degree, was Captain Anderson, and not even he knows the full truth behind it.

Anderson found out the hard way; they had just come back from a mission and in the middle of their conversation, he just broke. It wasn't even triggered by something Anderson said, he just broke down in the middle of his Captain's cabin. Before that, he thought that he could control the pain and the memories, but that changed quickly.

Anderson had asked him if he needed help, but he refused by telling a small white lie. Something to divert suspicions, or at least he hoped it did. He told him that the stress was getting to him, causing him to relive his past in a dream; not completely a lie, but then again, he left out a portion of information.

Carefully navigating the occupied bunks of silent men and women, he exited the crews quarters and walked directly to the men's bathroom. There was barely any noise coming from the mess hall like there usually was, but it was three in the morning; someone would have to be beyond stupid to eat that early. But then again, he can't judge since he's done beyond stupid things in the past as well.

Right as the doors to the bathroom opened, he saw the same hazel eyes that he couldn't get out of his mind. Ever since he first met Kaidan a couple of weeks ago, he couldn't help but think of Kaidan. Often times he'd be randomly thinking about work and then instantly he began thinking about Kaidan... sometimes it being dirty, but not all of it! He wished that he could dream about Kaidan instead of having his nightmares, but he can't control that to his dismay. But, deep down, he knows something is troubling Kaidan; his lips may say one thing, or his body my suggest something else, but those hazel eyes, similar to the shade of whiskey, tell all. Kaidan has a secret he doesn't want known just yet. Whatever that may be, he hopes one day he'll open up to him.

Those same eyes he has wished to dream about, looked to him as. They came face to face with another, before quickly looking down to the floor as if it was suddenly something interesting. He felt slightly hurt but doesn't take it to heart, and when they pass each other, he can't help but shiver. Their hands had grazed each other and it sent a wave of anxiety through him. It felt weird, a foreign reaction, something unknown. Granted yes, he's been with other guys who he's liked, but none of them made him feel like this... after all this time, why now with his Lt?

Well, maybe it's that ass. No, Shepard wasn't one of those people who liked someone because how they looked, he liked people because of what was underneath; their personalities; them. The looks are just an added bonus.

He didn't exactly know what he felt for his Lt., but it was definitely something more than a standard friendship, whatever that was. Shepard didn't exactly have the easiest time in making friends after what happened, before that though, he was basically a social butterfly, but after you watch all your friends get murdered, it's kind hard not to walk away unscathed and changed.

Locking the door behind him as he entered the bathroom, he undressed quickly before stepping into the cool streams of water. And instantly, as the water massaged his trembling body, he could feel all the pain and anxiety from his nightmare just vanished. The need to release all of his pent up anger like every other time, was nonexistent. But that wasn't because of the water, that was because of Kaidan...

The one thing he couldn't understand was after all this time, why was he falling? He learned the lesson of giving away his heart to someone else, but now he was making that same mistake. But it was Kaidan, he could feel it. Shepard had a boyfriend before everything happened back on Mindoir, but that felt different; it was different.

They were young; naive. He was scared and it took him several months to finally say yes to the guy who liked him. But Kaidan... he fell instantly. The tables were reversed in this case, in Shepard's mind; he saw a little bit of irony in it. But, he also saw the danger. What if his heart was broken again? He barely survived loosing his mother, but if it happened again, it would be the straw that broke the camels back. And worse, how was he going to get Kaidan to like him back? For men like him and Kaidan, trust is hard to build, let alone attachments. But, it's harder when something haunts your every step.

Kaidan may seem to be the perfect soldier, but deep down, he could see something was troubling Kaidan. He knew because he was once like that too; did everything he was told, was the 'perfect' soldier. And someone that perfect has one fear: to disappoint.

\-----

Shepard tried his best not to show it on the outside, but on the inside, he felt uneasy. Krogan Warlords are known throughout the galaxy to be dangerous killing machines, and it's common knowledge not to piss them off. Those who do usually are found several days later of being missing, mutilated in ways never thought possible.

To think that the Krogan were once a proud and peaceful people. Now, most have just been reduced to payed mercenaries and murderers.

Last night, after drinking with Kaidan, he had decided to look up Wrex to see what he was like and what the history of his people was like. It's not like he was drunk, since he had, at most, two drinks. His higher tolerance level with alcohol helps because it takes several drinks before he starts to feel the effects. Kaidan though, after just one drink, was already tipsy.

Last night, he saw the true person Kaidan really was instead of the person he is now; quiet and reserved. Only people who have fear based from trauma are like that, but maybe he could help fix that.

After making sure that Kaidan was safe and sound, he went to the mess to do some research.

The Krogan past was very similar to that of humans; evolving through time. They had developed into a beautiful and thriving society rich with technology, but that was what lead to their downfall. Their reliance on technology destroyed themselves and their species.

He thought it a tragic story, but maybe they could turn it around somehow if they band together. But that seemed very unlikely at this point of time. Shepard took a deep breath to calm his nerves. This was probably the first time he felt so nervous, but he knew he just needed to stay calm.

"This should be interesting." Ashley said softly just as Wrex stopped in front of them. Shepard couldn' help but chuckled softly. He wouldn't put it exactly in those words but they work.

"Do I know you, human?" He asks in a menacing tone, crossing his arms as if he's the king bad ass. That made Shepard relax despite Wrex's the intentions.

"My name's Shepard. I'm going after Fist. Thought you might want to come along." He said unscathed and as kind as he could. He hoped that if he could befriend Wrex, he wouldn't have to worry about Fist being taken out before getting the information needed. That information could bring down Saren and he couldn't let that chance slip away.

"Shepard? Commander Shepard? I've heard a lot about you."

'I wonder if that's a good thing.' He thought to himself. There was a short silence after what Wrex said that put everyone slightly on edge. Everyone was wondering the same thing until Wrex finally spoke up again.

"We're both warriors, Shepard. Out of respect, I'll give you fair warning. I'm going to kill Fist." He physically remains composed, but inside, he lets out the biggest sigh known to man.

"Fist most likely knows you're coming. It would make sense if we work together." Ashley said almost immediately afterwards. Shepard looked back to her and nodded quickly before returning his gaze to Wrex. He was glad she spoke up. He couldn't have said it any better if he tried. They hoped Wrex will agree with them, otherwise, it would be a race to Fist to get to the answers he need.

"My people have a saying: Seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend."

"Glad to have you on the team." Shepard said while extending his hand to give Wrex a hand shake. That made his anxiety instantly vanish and let confidence take over. With Wrex, they were beyond ready to take on Fist. There's no way in hell that they won't win now.

After taking a moment to think, Shepard decides to send Kaidan back to the Normandy. With Kaidan's injury still fresh, he didn't want to risk them reopening and becoming infected or even worse, having Kaidan bleed out to death.

He wasn't big on taking ridiculous risks unless they were at the utmost urgency. Not to say he never did take risks. He took them quite frequently but only if there was no other way out or if the reward was far greater than the risk itself.

To him, recruiting a Krogan was a risky idea, but it payed off handsomely. It easily could have became bloody and ugly, but it didn't and he was beyond grateful. But the one thing he just couldn't bring himself to do, was bring Kaidan along despite wanting to. People's lives are worth more than the success of missions.

"Let's go. I hate to keep Fist waiting." Shepard smirked at that comment before ordering everyone to move out.

They'd have to move quickly to get to Fist. The trek through the vast and popular markets was relatively simple for him and his team, despite the large amounts of people. As they walked by, he heard a woman walking into a ear wig about a corruption scandal of some sorts that involved Fist. If he finds anything worth while in Fist's office, he decided he would give it to her. It's always good helping the press, but it's even better to have favors.

As they get to the lower ward, everything seemed off. The entire atmosphere seemed off, if that's physically possible. But that didn't put him nor his team off from their mission. As they entered the area outside the bar, everything was quiet. Too quiet...

"I thought that the repairs where finished yesterday."Shepard said on approach.

"It looks like it's shut down. Not even as if it's being worked on." Garrus added. He was right, there wasn't even any equipment outside since the vents connect to the exterior of the club. Something was definitely up and without the loud, booming music, they entered the eerie silence.

"Fist knows we're coming." Wrex says just as the doors to the club open and some gang members scream to take cover. Signaling Wrex and Garrus to take cover, he picks his targets and begins to shoot. He tells Garrus to use his overload on the heavily armored Krogan gang members to stun them monentarily, while telling Wrex to use his Warp on the other, more weaker of the foes. Moving around the circular bar wasn't the easiest thing with gang members surrounding them as the moved into the bar.

Taking cover behind the counter, Shepard used his assault riffle to take out each foe that came before him. Soon, all the enemies were dead and they were able to enter another hallway that they guessed lead to Fist's office. Upon entering the next set of doors, two workers began to fire at him and his team.

Taking cover behind the two large crates in the middle of the room, they were able to take down both workers. He had wished to let them live when he first saw them but it was their decisions to open fire, so all he could do was take out the attackers before them. Once they were killed, he opened several weapon locker to see if there was anything worth reporting or worth using. There wasn't anything too good inside, so they just moved onto the next door opposite them.

And like they though, Fist's office was right there. As soon as they entered, Fist pulled out his gun from his desk. It seemed as if he wasn't expecting guests.

"Why do I have to do everything myself? Time to die, little soldiers!" Fist shouts as he takes cover behind decorative walls on either side of his desk. Shepard wasn't surprised when security measures kicked in to protect their mandate, but what did surprise him was that they were defensive turrets. The guy was basically waiting for somebody to try and come for him.

As Shepard focused on Fist, both Wrex and Garrus prioritized on the defensive turrets. Once they were destroyed and Fist was down, they were able to confront the bastard and finally learn what happened to that Quarian.

"Wait! Don't kill me! I surrender!" Fist cries from lying on the floor, injured. Shepard had shot him in the leg during the fight and he was glad he did it.

It was a quick interaction between them and the crime boss before them, quite pathetic actually when they thought about it, but that wasn't the main concern, though Fist's life was for a second, but he stopped Wrex before doing anything stupid. Before leaving the office to run to the quarian's aid, he gave a quick glance around. What caught his eye the most were the things next to Fist's computer and the wall safe tucked in the back corner of the office. They were optical storage disks that seemed to have been lightly used. He pocketed them thinking that maybe that reporter he over heard could make use of them for her story.

After hacking the wall safe and removing it's contents, Shepard signaled his team to exit the office. By the time they re-entered the bar area, more gang members had replace the place of the dead members previously there and once again, they had to fight them off from around the bar. This time though, the number of members was significantly smaller, taking less time than the first round of fighting.

Running out of the bar, the went up a set of stairs to the only open access point to the the back alley way. Hopefully the quarian was still alive. It had only been a minute or so since they left Fist's office. He could only hope.

The lighting was red as the raced up another set of stairs behind to doors. He could here some talking from further down in the alley, and right before he saw the fire fight start, he quickly scanned a Keeper that so happened to be on the way. It was a hit-and-run scan he thought which made him chuckle slightly.

Then the firefight started with the quarian using a device to allow her to get to cover. She was definitely resourceful, he gave her that, but against Assassins, she would be history without help.

Each one of them chose different targets, and focusing on them and only them. Wrex using his Warp and Ashley using her Incindiary ammo against their specific enemies, all three assassins stood no match to them and soon, all three of them were down and out for the kill.

As soon as the area was secure, him and his team approached the startled and angry quarian. Finally, he found the person he was looking for. All that was left now was to get the information and prove to the council that Saren is rogue.


	4. Demons, and the Quarian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait! I had started this earlier this year during the school year, but with APs and Regents to prepare for, I kind of lacked time, the inspiration and also, just the want to continue writing this. But! Now that Summer is here, I'll have a lot more time to write, so hopefully more shall be written. Comment please! I would love to know if there is something I should add, or even just constructive criticism would be lovely. Gracias madames/ monsieurs!

**Kaidan**

  _'Well, there's a first for everything…'_ Kaidan thought to himself as he stared off into his holo computer screen, trying to keep it together until the end of his shift. 

 Everything was so loud and so bright; his head was pounding from the hang over he had. Shepard warned him, but he didn’t listen, and now… he's paying the price. He never drank so much before, but after everything that occurred yesterday, he was in desperate need to get drunk.

 That was a bad idea.

 Since he awoke to this morning, his migraine was in full swing. Not even a long, cold shower nor more alcohol helped (apparently if you have a hangover, drinking a little helps make it go away. Weird, right?). It was his punishment for acting so outlandish. His parents would have a conniption had they seen how he acted over the last 24 hours, or so he thought. They raised a perfect child, and right now said child is hung over and pathetic, how shameful.

 The only other time he was this bad was when he was an early adult, on accident, since he was at Jump Zero. Since he wasn't around normal teens during his teen years, he never did the typical things most can say they do. So, when it came time that he could, he was inexperienced, and within the first couple of times his father letting him have a beer, he got hangovers like this. That was around ten years ago, and he's learned his limits, but last night… Those limits met nothing. He just didn't care, and he's regretting it.

 'Fuck.' He cursed under his breath.

 Looking at the time, he saw that he had worked into the next shift on accident. Navigator Pressley was supposed to take over for him around 1500 hours, and it was nearing 1630 now, but he didn’t care. Working kept his mind off other things. It was never good when he had time to think, so he kept himself busy day in and day out with work or helping other people. Most think he does it to be nice, that's funny. Granted, that is a reason, but the truth is, he is really just busying himself.

 Turning to Joker, he asked what should he do since Pressely was late. Apparently,  Pressley was in a meeting with Anderson. Joker then went on speculating that it had to be something 'big' since he heard, being specific the source was 'anonymous', that Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett where at that meeting at Alliance Headquarters; that couldn't be good, he thought before he left, after Joker said it was okay to leave.

 Trying to hide his state, he begins to walk down from the bridge. Successfully managing to do this, he passed all the crew as he made his way through the CIC, down the stairs towards the rear and to the Crew Quarters, but once he was alone, he collapsed, catching himself before completely face planting on the floor. He felt sick. His migraine was so much worse from before he left his station. Movement of any kind, for him, usually made his migraines ten times worse, but it was the only way to get to where no one could see him, judge him. They can only see the good, not the bad. They can never know his past, because if they did, he… wouldn't be able to live with himself.

 Rahna… Vyrnnus… they haunt him to this day, reminding him of what he did.

Slowly, he crawled his way to his bunk, afraid to try and stand up from his knees, he was afraid that something worse would happen if did. Pulling out a container of pills, he popped two in and crawled into his bed, not bothering to change or take off his shoes. Sleep, that's what he needed.

 It always helped when he was younger and feeling ill, his mother would sit with him, singing soft lullabies until he drifted off into a sleep sweet of bliss and happiness. Then, when he got older and got his L2 implants, she would make him soup and then let him rest on the couch, giving him a cold bag of ice to put on his forehead, replacing it when it melted. He used to feel so needy when he got sick, but every time, his mother would say 'No you don't. You just sound sick, that's all,' before kissing his forehead. She would always make him feel better, because back then, they were be the only times he would think that way… Now, he thinks that practically every day.

  _'Sleep always helped the pain go away.'_ He thought as he stared at the bottom of the top bunk. Repeatedly, he says this to himself, as if he's trying to convince himself. Had he been saying it out loud, and someone overheard it, they most likely would have gotten that idea. He continued until his eyes became droopy, and almostclosed.

 'Sleep always… he-lp-s…'

  _"UNTIL YOU FALL." Kaidan jolted up from lying down in the void, gasping, weeping, scared of the malevolent voice that spoke._

  _He sat on a white floor, almost like a frosted glass window, and was surrounded by blackness; darkness. His heart beat vigorously in his chest as he frantically looked back and forth, but saw nothing. Something was there, but nothing was._

  _"Whose there?" He called out into the void, standing up afterwards, looking around for anything; a sign, a shape, something._

  _There was nothing, no reply, no pin drop, just dead silence… until, until a low voice, barely audible began to laugh. It grew louder as if the source of it grew closer and closer. "Kai, Kai, Kai… Don't you remember me?"_

  _"Who's there?"  He asked, backing up from the point he first woke up, not like that was going to help him or anything. The voice was omnipresent. It echoed around him like in the stories of Sirens. The could be heard from all over if you were close enough, and once you did, you'd be under their spell, helpless for your fate was decided then and there._

  _"Why Kaidan, don’t you remember me (us)?" Right after that, two, faint shapes appeared from the light darkness. Dark, formless things, crimson eyes, almost like shadows. One was tall, the other, short. One was extremely thin, the other was lightly larger. Their faces were nonexistent, because he had forgotten them long ago._

  _"Who are you? What do you want with me, leave me alone!"_

  _"Why, how could you say that to me? The only one who ever loved you?"_

  _"No…" He whispered under his breath, begin to retreat once more, away from the newly formed voices._

  _"No? Don't you remember me? The one, you protected for all those years?"_

  _This time, besides walking backwards, he turned and began to run a full out sprint, covering his ears and closing his eyes. It couldn't be…_

_"Oh come on, Kaidan. Where are you going?" The voice taunted, never ceasing to go away. It remained at the same pitch, never faltering as he ran away from the spot he once stood at. It was inside his head, inside his very body; covering his ears wouldn't do anything._

_"Don't you remember that time, that oh so special time?" It asked, laughing maniacally. Out of no where, things, not ropes or anything of the sorts, grabbed him by the arms and legs, stopping him dead in his tracks, and took control of his very body._

_His running turned into a slow waltz, the shorter of the… ghosts (if you could call them that), took his hand, and began to dance with him, back and forth across the floor. How did he know how to waltz? He never learned, or at least he thought so, he didn't remember. Nothing made sense, and he couldn't think. Everything was new, and nothing from old was accessible. It was like his brain had been… shut off._

_They danced back and forth a faint room appearing, the shape of large columns and windows, a large crystal chandelier appearing, barely there, above them. The fear was overwhelming. He was out of control of his own body, and those red eyes… they feasted on him. The fear, the power that they possessed. They controlled him, and there was nothing he could do about it._

_Just as the song ends, the room begins to fade away, and once it does, she does too, but the shackles remain,  and quickly, a piano appeared out of no where, and he began to play another song. Seconds, not even, he went from dancing to playing an eerie melody. He knew this song, something he hadn't played in years, but how did he know that? How did he know it's name? B.56, KK Iva-15, P.1-15, Waltz in E minor… A lost work, rediscovered._

_The shackles held him at his fingertips and feet, one always working the demonic piano; they were no longer at his wrists nor legs. Striking the horrid cords, Kaidan could feel his darkest fears and desires stir from within his heart. Tears streamed down his face; he was beginning to become scared of himself. 'Where did all this come from?' he asked himself._

_"This came from you, it's always been there, but never has it's potential been… exploited before." A shiver went shooting up his back and neck as a cold breath touched, even kissed his ear as she spoke. He could something around his torso, like arms in an embrace._

_What did she mean? Inside? Exploited? This… didn't make sense to him. He was a loving person before this, he loved his mother and he loved his father, whoever they were. It was these ghosts, his ghosts, who fucked with his life, and gave him these scars._

_"I…" He began to say before his words got caught in his throat._

_"You what?" She asked, surprised a little at first, then returning to her sadistic tone._

_"I… I won-'t,"_

_"You won't what? You have no power here," Instantly all the air within him disappeared as another demonic cord was struck on the piano, the arms holding him tightening around his built, but scarred frame. She kissed his ear gently, her icy cold lips like silk… before biting down harshly, causing a scream to erupt from his mouth. He could feel blood, and she chuckled watching it trickle down his head, before lapping it up greedily._

_"We are your demons, we will always be. You will never be free." The light produced from the frosted floor began to fade, the final notes ringing out into the ever increasing darkness. The arms soon slid up, and around his neck, stopping any possibility of him breathing. He began to gasp, but nothing entered his deprived lungs._

_"In truth, we will be…"_

_With that, the last light faded as she laid the kiss of death upon his lips. "Your death."_

* * *

  **John**

 "Wait don't kill me. I surrender!" Fist cried out from lying on the floor, sounding slightly pathetic.

Just because he destroyed the turrets and all the armed thugs set up within Chora's Den, didn't mean he was going to kill him. He does have morals, unlike some people believe, and killing people in cold blood doesn't fit into said morals.

It always bothered him that people thought he was a heartless renegade. He did nothing in his past to warrant such judgement. All he ever did was do what was right for the everybody; somewhere down the line, someone must have disliked it and created the lies that surround him unfairly. He had hoped that at least Kaidan would hold off judgement, since his record said he too always tried to help everyone, but… something's different about him.

After watching Kaidan at the bar, he realized something was off. He too was like that, drinking until barely conscious, and it wasn't a time he particularly liked. Quite opposite in fact, it was a dark time that drinking and drugs seemed to be the only answer, but thankfully, that time is over.

"Where's the Quarian?" Shepard demands, taking his gun out of it's holster and pointing at Fist in his vulnerable position on the floor.

 If she's not here, then god only knows where she could be. And god knows if she's in any danger; knowing how these type of people are like, nothing ever good comes out of doing business with them, and that, was learned the hard way. He still has the small scar to prove it, not that anybody knows.

"She's not here. I don't know where she is and that's the truth!" Fist exclaims quickly, covering his face in a pathetic manner.

"Good, he doesn't know anything. Let me kill him now." Wrex says quickly, pulling out his gun and facing it down at Fist.

Shepard rolled his eyes slowly, _'not this again'_.

 Earlier he and Garrus were passing through C-Sec Academy and they heard Wrex arguing with some of the guards stationed there. He couldn't help but feel bad seeing the powerful Krogan being demoted to nothing but a merc, but… they kind of seem to like it, or at least that's what he thought since he's fought so many before.

 Anyway, after that, they agreed to join up due to the fact that they shared a common goal. Wrex quickly proved to be a good asset as they all pushed through Chora's Den, not that he doubted his abilities at the slightest. And now they're standing there, in front of their target, watching him beg for his life. As much as he knew Wrex was committed to killing Fist, he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Wait! Wait! I don’t know where she is, but I know where you can find her!"

 _'This should be interesting.'_ Shepard thinks to himself after Fist says this. The last time he heard that sentence, he was lead into a trap by a drug dealer back on Earth. Not exactly a found memory of his.

"She said she'd only deal with the Shadow Broker himsel-"

"Impossible, even I was hired through an agent." Wrex butted in, interrupting Fist's explanation of the situation he created.

 Fist turned and nodded to Wrex in agreement, before continuing, "Nobody meets the Shadow Broker, ever. Even I don't know his true identity, but she doesn't know that. So, I told her I'd set up a meeting. But when she shows up, it'll be Saren's men waiting for her."

 " _You asshole!'_ he though as he holstered his weapon to be able to pick up Fist by the collar. "Give me the location, now!" As much as he wanted the information she had in her position, his first priority was to make sure to save her. He knew that she was weaker than her usual self since Dr. Michel said she went to visit her earlier this week. Hopefully, she would be able to last long enough until they arrived.

 "They're meeting now, in the back ally by the markets. If you hurry, you can make it there." Throwing him back a little, he turned to face the exit, to walk out of the office when it happened. Wrex tried to kill Fist like he said he would, but as quick as Krogan reflexes are, he was better and stopped the gun from pointing at him, and instead at the floor. Garrus, caught off guard, jumped slightly, confused about what was going on, and pointed his gun towards Wrex while stepping in the way of Fist, just in case he would try to make a run for it in the midst of the confusion.

Shepard glared at Fist, still keeping his hand on Wrex's gun. He was pissed because Fist should die for what he did, but he couldn't just let that happen. He wouldn't be able to live with himself, knowing he didn’t do anything to stop someone from getting murdered in cold blood, despite what they did to deserve it.

"Shepard!?"

"Get out of here before I let him kill you!" He yelled at Fist, moving his glare from him to Wrex, who was beyond angry at that point. With that command, he listened and ran out of his office, leaving Shepard and his party alone to discuss their… problems.

"What are you doing? The Shadow Broker paid me to kill him, and I don't leave jobs half done."

In that instant, he punched Wrex in the face as hard as he could, hoping it would knock some sense into him, but it didn't. It only nocked him back a foot or two.Wrex grunted as stepped back from the blow, turning his head away from the man who just assaulted him. He did not just do that he thought, and with that, he was about ready to shoot Shepard too, but Shepard was already ready to count it.

With a gentle smile on his face, he gently place his hand on Wrex' shoulder. "Wrex, wake up already, you are not a gun for hire, you are so much more than that, you are a Krogan. Live up to that name, instead of what society has made you become." With that, he let go, and told Garrus to lower his weapon that he had placed on Wrex.

Moments passed, many tense moments passed until Wrex finally spoke again, and Shepard was relieved to hear him speak and not shoot. "Hmm, fine Shepard, you win. Just knock him out already before I change my mind."

Shepard nodded, happy that Wrex came around, but he knew this wasn't the time to celebrate, they had a Quarian to save.

After looking quickly around the small office for anything useful, finding some good things like a data pad with evidence of corruption and some loose credits, they ran out, towards the exit of Chora's Den. More mercs where present, and so they had to fight once more. Taking cover behind the circular bar in the middle of the room, they began to shoot and throw different biotics at the human and krogan mercs fighting against them. The mercs were annoying and good at their jobs, but they were disorganized and didn't work together, the weakness Shepard knew how to exploit.

 Since the last one was finally taken down, they ran out of the bar and back down the causeways that were outside the entrance. Once they reached the hallway that connect them to the markets, they reloaded their weapons, just in case a gun fight had already begun between the Quarian and Shadow Broker's men.

 "Be ready for anything." Garrus said quickly, readying to storm the alleyway on the other side of the door.

 "I just hope we've made it in time."

 As soon as the door opened, they poured into the dark, narrow area, running up a set of stairs towards the voice that could be heard further down. Right as they neared the landing of the stairs, an explosion rang out, and a fire fight had begun.

 They reached the bottom, guns up and ready, and surely enough, behind some miscellaneous crates, hid a Quarian, just as Fist had said. Taking cover behind the same crate, he looked to her, and gave a small smile before taking aim and beginning to fire at the assassins.

 "Fist set me up, I knew I couldn't trust him!" The Quarian cried, having ducked from incoming fire. Shepard chuckled slightly right before throwing Warp towards one of the Assassins.

 "Gee, why does this sounds familiar."

 "Do people like shooting at you, Shepard?" Garrus asked, running up to another set of boxes just across from the one Shepard and the Quarian was behind. This time, Shepard couldn't help this time, but full out laugh.

 "You'd think so, with all the fighting we've done this morning." Wrex yelled, rushing past everyone towards a wide open Assassin, successfully taking him down. He wished he had that type; brute strength, no fear, but he didn't, nor could he ever. Gaining that, would cause him to loose himself in the process, and he could- no, wouldn't allow that to happen. He didn't want to loose himself again…

  _'No, I won't leave you!'_

  _'Hannah, take him and g-'_

  "Not that I don't appreciate the help, or anything, but who are you?"

 'Shit,' he thought, snapping back into reality.

 Shaking his head quickly, and disregarding staring eyes, he returned to fighting, taking the anger and pain the memory dredged up and quickly kill the remaining Assassins with no mercy to spare, this person had picked a fight with them and the Quarian, and he was going to die for it.

 "Argh!" He screams as he is thrown into the air, right before the silence takes him quickly after. At last, the assassins where killed and the Quarian was safe.

 Getting up to secure the area, Shepard wanted to make sure no one else was hiding, waiting to ambush them, but after a moment of search, that idea seemed unlikely. There were no ledges above them where someone could get high ground, and the doors both lead to public areas and it would be suicide using those as entrances since C-sec would be all over them within seconds.

 His mind put at ease, he puts his gun away and walks to the Quarian who was talking with Garrus. They exchanged greetings quickly, Tali giving her thanks for them saving her and such. Towards the end, she played the message she was able to obtain, the message that got her into all the mess she was in. After listening to it, it made sense why she wanted to go to someone with it, it was beyond valuable depending on who you went to. 

 In the end, she agreed to show it to the council, and when they heard it, they finally agreed to withhold Saren's Spectre Status, which made Shepard relieved, the bureaucrats finally got something of use done. Deep down, despite the extreme annoyance he felt because of how long it took them to believe him, he couldn't hate them. They were only doing there jobs, and he respects that. He understands the hardships of leadership, and how the can't believe everything they hear, nor act on every single thing, it would be hypocritical if he did hate them.

 Right as he thought the meeting was going to end, it took a turn he wasn't expecting. They voted on making him the 1st Human Spectre, and all where in favor for it. He didn’t know if it was because they truly wanted to give him such an honor, or if they just wanted him to track down Saren (because politicians always say something when meaning another), but he wasn't going to lick a gifted hoarse in the mouth. He took it with honor, and thanked them for it.

 He was excited to tell Kaidan what happened when they were leaving the room, for reasons unknown to him, but as soon as the entered the elevator, realization finally kicked in, to what happened over the last couple of hours. He remembered how he felt earlier in the alleyway, the need to kill, the need to spill blood. The entire way back to the Normandy, he remained quiet, hiding the fact that he was a mess, though he was pretty sure Garrus noticed, if not Wrex as well.

  *****Later that evening*****

 "Chakwas," Shepard said lowly before nodding out the door, making it as polite as he possibly could. He liked her, and treated her with upmost respect; she'd been here longer than he was, and she was extremely good at her job. And when he needed it, she was a good listener, not that he made it a habit to talk to his subordinates about his problems, whatever they may have been. She always made the time to listen despite her busy schedule though, and helped when anyone, not just himself, needed help. She wasn't just the ship's doctor, she was also a good friend to everyone.

 She took his lead, and mumbled something about having to file some paperwork with someone before exiting the room, leaving both he and Alenko alone in the quiet, desolate room. You could here the creaking from the bulkheads gliding through space, it was that quiet, and it made Shepard nervous. He wondered what he was doing. What if he woke up and they were alone together; that would be awkward. What if someone else walked in and saw him staring at the lieutenant the way he was? Why was he so nervous, and all for no reason.

 He was about to leave his lieutenant and go back to work when he heard a stir coming from behind him, since he had turned to leave and all. He froze at the pained expression that grew on Kaidan's face. If it were possible to mix pain, suffering and the look of death into one facial expression, it would be what as on his face now.

 Kaidan whimpered softly as beads of sweat were sliding down his forehead, causing Shepard to walk over to the bed where Kaidan laid. Gently taking his hand, he brought it towards his face right before his lips. He wanted… to kiss it. He had only just met the man, but he felt, honestly, he didn't know how he felt.

 Was it pity?

 No, he saw Kaidan in action and he's a damn fine soldier; strong and of no need for pity.

 Admiration?

 Definitely not, how could he admire someone who was obvious in so much pain? Admiring anyone in this state would be basically admiring them when they are down and upset. It kind of makes it seem that you like when that someone is in anguish. No, admiration is when you admire someone for who they are and this wasn't at all an appropriate time for that.

 Whatever he was feeling, he wanted to take Kaidan into his arms and hold him forever, to protect him from whatever he was afraid of. He wanted to help him through whatever he was facing, but he didn't know how to go by it.

 Sighing softly, he knelt down to the side of Kaidan's bed. He hadn't noticed this before, since he had a top bunk in the crew's quarters, but Kaidan was beautiful when he was asleep, even when he was in a bad condition as he was now. With his now pale skin, he looked like a prince from a fairy tale from long ago, though,  princesses, and not princes, being the ones who where lying still in the deep, beautiful wood or in their bed atop the highest tower.

Gently he took Kaidan's soft hand into his own, but he didn't know what to do next, let alone what he was doing at that moment. Inside, he fet his heart pounding as his heart told him to kiss his hand, but could he? Granted, he had boyfriends in the past, so that wasn't the issue, but... would he be alright with it? He didn't want to do something Kaidan wouldn't like, but at the same time...  

After a quick internal debate. he lowered his head so he could at least lean his cheek against Kaidan's hand that he was holding, caressing it gently. His touch was overwhelming, and he watched as Kaidan began to calm down with his touch. Gently brushing his lips across Kaidan's hand, he kissed it lovingly before placing it back on Kaidan's stomach like where he originally found it.

 "I will protect you, Kaidan, I promise." He said softly before lying a small kiss on Kaidan's cold forehead. He couldn't not do it, and what Kaidan didn't know, won't hurt him. John slowly and quietly walked out of the room not to wake Kaidan sleeping since he seemed to have calmed down and possibly be having a good sleep. He walked to the Captain's quarters, entering it and sitting down on the bed. He reminisced over the day, everything that went on and such. First, there was the crappy politicians; then, there was saving Tali and becoming a spectre; and now, he was feeling things unbeknownst to him, along with having became the captain of a ship. He was the Captain of the Normandy now; he was in control now, able to go wherever, whenever. He fell asleep above the covers, exhausted; not because of the day he had, but because of the days he has yet to come.


	5. All's Well That Ends Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me over an hour to format this correctly... and i'm tired. Ugh, why did I decide to finish and upload this chapter around midnight? Hope you all enjoy. Comment down below, hehehe. ^_^

**John**

"Oh, you've got to be-" John started to say, before the Mako hit a 'small' bump in the road, causing him to cut off the end of his sentence and Ashley to gasp from her head hitting the back of her seat, hard. His head was inches from hitting the dashboard, and he was glad he didn't hit it because that would have sucked (though, from how it sounded, Garrus, on the other hand, wasn't so fortunate). When they had landed on this planet, earlier, they all took bets on how the mission would play out; safe to say John was winning. He predicted that it would be so much fun, that it literally could kill them; with the lava pits, the bumpy terrain and the Geth forces firing at them, he became three hundred credits richer with ease.

They all knew that retrieving Dr. T'Soni wouldn't be an easy task, but so far, it seemed just a little ridiculous. Why were the Geth even interested in Dr. T'Soni? Maybe the fact that her mother was working with them? But even with that in mind, the odds of her helping her mother are so slim. If she wanted to, she would have when this whole thing started.

As much as he wanted to believe, John hoped that in this case, Dr. T'Soni didn't follow her mother. He would have went to the universe for his parents, and in a sense, he did, for the wrong reason; revenge. A child's love for their parents... it can be described as something so deep, the great oceans of Earth can't even compare to it, nor the tallest mountains of Sur'kesh, or so bright, it outshines the brightest star in the galaxy with ease. At least, that's how John felt about it, his own parents, that is, before they died. Still does in secret, but no one would know and no one would ever. He didn't want pity or anything, all he wanted was to move on, while remember the good; to live a normal life.

"That's going to leave a mark." Garrus said lowly in a slight nasal tone.

"Jesus, Shepard, are you trying to kill us?" Ashley yelled from her station as she did her best to try and take out the bastard geth in front of them, blocking their path. John looked back towards the turian in the seat behind him, to see he was holding his nose trying to stop a nose bleed. He pointed to a tissue canister next to the omni-gel dispenser before looking to her with a devilish smile.

"If I was, you'd be first to go, Williams!" John yelled as he narrowly maneuvered the Mako to dodge an incoming pulse blast.

"That wasn't nice you bastard!" He yelled right as the blast passed, before yelling 'Go' to Ashley, right before she landed several consecutive hits on both of the Geth Colossos that blocked the path, successfully destroying them

"And here I thought this would be a pleasant ride." Garrus said after the Mako crash landed once again, shaking his head slowly, making John erupt in laughter quickly after.

"Garrus, after yesterday, how are you still surprised?" John asked as he drove the Mako around a corner to find more Geth forces. He was referring to the little alley fight they had on the Citadel; the one that happened after the bar fight that happened right after a gun fight in a small clinic. A pleasant ride? With John, a day without something ridiculous happening would be the day all die. "Ugh! Ashley, one Colossus at nine and six o'clock. I can run over the Primes in front."

"Yeah, Garrus. There's a never a dull moment when you're with Shepard!" She said as she began to fire upon the targets given to her, successfully taking one down by the end of her statement. She was surprised how accurate she was despite Shepard's driving (maybe all the bouncing around helped a little, but she'd never actually tell John that, ever!) Honestly, she kind of liked missions that involved the Mako because of its big guns (they are fun to fire).

"So I've noticed. After finding evidence against Saren and what we walked into with Alenko, we can't seem- to get a break." Garrus added, pausing as the Mako drove over some bumpy terrain (the Geth Primes). John huffed a little from this statement (he didn't like speaking ill of anyone who was in a rough time since he too, at one point, was in the same scenario). The years after the raid&hellip changed him, and not particularly for the better. Anger, loneliness, pain, fear, there were nights that the only way he could sleep was by taking drugs or&hellip doing other things that he, now, regrets, years later. Kaidan... he could tell was stuck in the past, as he had been for such a long time... He could never say anything bad to him, he meant too much to him. What it was though, he doesn't know. Longing?

"Honestly, I'm glad that Kai- I mean, the lieutenant is alright." He said, stuttering a little half way through his statement, causing Ashley to laugh slightly underneath her breath. He quickly asked what she was laughing about whilst they continued fighting the last Geth Colossus, and more Primes they found on the way as they continued through the hazardous landscape, but all she did was just wave it off like it was nothing and look to Garrus, making John just roll his eyes and focus in on trying not landing in lava. 'Women.'

"That was close," he said as he drove the Mako into some sort of underground tunnel system since it was the only way to continue forward to where Dr. T'Soni was; he was thankful for the skylights that were present since, had they not been there, driving would've been impossible. There had been some more Geth guarding the entrance to the tunnel and while trying to avoid getting directly shot, he almost, unintentionally, sank the Mako (in lava).

"Safe to say we almost went swimming with the fishes," John said jokingly, as the Mako rounded a corner, crushing some Geth Primes that were patrolling the area.

"What fishes? I wanna see them!" Ashley joked playfully, looking towards John from her station.

"Have you ever seen a Turian swim?" Garrus then, too, added, putting emphasis on 'ever' to complete Ashley's joke. John laughed aloud, quickly feel his stomach start to cramp up from all the bouncing of the Mako and the laughing.

He couldn't breathe, but it was too funny not to laugh. "I bet it's sight to behold."

"Oh, it's a sight alright." Garrus said before yelling 'enemy at twelve o'clock', snapping the peanut gallery back into fighting shape. John was honestly having a good time, despite the fact they were on a mission. He was... happy. Happy to know that some people were treating him like a normal person, and not the rude jerk people thought he was. After a while, he started to feel like he was, and hate himself because everyone had the same idea; hard and cold. This proved he wasn't bad, this proved that it was just all of them who didn't understand, and he was grateful for that.

'Is it right to be having this much fun,' he questioned to himself as the Mako exited the tunnel to another treacherous area, full to the brim of lava and Geth units. The battle across the landscape was quicker than the last, and quickly, they entered yet another tunnel, substantially longer than the first, and full to the brim of Geth. "One thing we don't seem to be short of is Geth."

"Yeah, the one thing nobody wants. If only," Ashley said as the Mako crushed another pair of Geth Primes whom tried to block their path. All laughed from that statement, however, it quickly stopped when the Mako came to a grinding halt, jerking them like rag dolls. The path was blocked by two boulders that made travel by the Mako impossible. Combined with the speed John drove (nothing too ridiculous) and the way the sight of the path was obstructed, behind a tall rock face, there was no other viable option; it was either drive off into a beautiful lava lake, or stop dead, and hope that nothing was damaged. He thought it was obvious, which option to choose.

The Mako stopped just before the boulders, inches away from collision (which let John breath a little, despite the slight pain in his chest from the jerking); the sound of less paperwork to fill out was real and calling his name. After a moment of recollection, he groaned ever so slightly as he started to move his body; his arm felt numb, but he could still feel it, so he knew nothing was broken.

With a slightly yelp, Shepard looked to Garrus and Ashley before asking "Everyone alright?" Both answered with positive answers, however, Ashley said she thinks she might have some small bruises after this, which made John sigh slightly; 'it could have been a lot worse, but still. I'll have too report that.'

After quickly stretching, and exiting the Mako, they continued the journey on foot.

It was a lot hotter than he had initially thought, it kind of reminded him of the time he went to the beach with his family, back on Mindoir. It was his sixteenth birthday, and he wanted to do something different since most his age had a big party at some type of elite venue or on a ship, that as really popular back then for one reason or another. As much as he liked the though of a big, elaborate party such as that, he wanted something... simple. Guess that's one thing that hasn't changed; he still holds the same simplistic ideals of a colony kid. That day, he had invited all his friends to come with them, and in the end, just had a good day of swimming, beach volley ball, and stories... Wait, the mission, right, right, the lack of water on this ghastly, molten planet, snapped him out of his thought and brought him back to the mission where he was supposed to be.

Walking through the towering boulders, they were quickly intercepted by more Geth, Rocket and regular Troopers to be exact. Once defeated, the continued around a slight bend to find more Geth, this time Shock Troopers.

"Great; Garrus, use your-" He began to say right before a small explosion occurred before him, taking down his shields instantly.

Cursing a loud, John rolled behind cover, dodging yet another sniper round (it was still a little close for comfort, since his shields were still down, and also since he could hear how fast the bullet was going). Garrus took the initiative, and quickly suppressed the snipers as John and Ashley kept them busy, and soon, they were able to progress once more, up a ramp and behind the encampment that the Geth had previously held.

At the top, they ran into another small force; nothing that they couldn't handle. He only hoped that it would be that easy from now on, since they had taken out a significant number of Geth forces on the way there.

 

* * *

 

**Garrus**

"You could bypass that circuit board to quicken the recharge speed on the shields."

Garrus eyes flickered over to his Omni-Tool before looking to the place that he was told to look at. It was a good idea, but the problem with it, is that it would draw power from an already heavily used circuit board, making the load too much to bare if used continuously. It would then break, crippling the Mako, and knowing Shepard, it wouldn't be hard to do at all. Had the circuit board she pointed out not been so heavily used, it would have been a great idea.

"Yeah, I thought of that. It's a good idea, but the problem with that, is that if I do, it would take away from the main gun." He said, looking directly at Solana through the Omni-Tool screen.

He was surprised that she came up with that idea; last time he saw her, she was in her rebel stage, saying she was going to move off world and go do whatever it was. Dad had kept him in the loop, calling him at times saying how she graduated High School with full honors, or how she got into University and stuff. Though he wasn't around, he knew everything that was going on.

"A good defense is the best offense, you know." Garrus rolled his eyes a little from that statement.

"Get that from one of my text books, did you?" He joked in response, laughing aloud since he was really, the only one in the cargo bay at the moment.

About an hour ago, Ashely had left because it was time for her shift, and as for Wrex, well, he didn't say where he was going, and Garrus wasn't going to ask, he always seems so angry. Every now and then, some crew came down for requisitions or for other various tasks, and they stopped to talk to him, asking if he liked the Normandy and working with humans and such. It made him feel at home to know people were, not worried about him, but- were thinking about him.

"Hey! I'll have you know, I'm undefeated using that tactic! And no, I've always believed in that." He chuckled from that response; he knew she would say that.

Ever since she was a little girl, she was always slightly more reserved, which, later on, translated into her strategy making as well. Though, you could also say she was being careful, but whose to judge? She makes it work and that's all what matters, results.

As he chuckled, he picked up a soldering iron and focused in on a loose wire he had found a while ago. It was bugging him, and since it was a quick little fix, it should be fine to do. Though he was given permission to tinker with the Mako, by Shepard, (though, technically it's against Alliance regulations), he wasn't allowed to make full on repairs since it's Alliance property.

"Owh," He gasped a little, before putting down the iron and stuck his finger in his mouth; the iron his finger a little. "Did you beat my record yet?" He then asked with a slightly full mouth.

'That sounded weird.' He thought to himself.

"Close, the professor says I'm six seconds away from beating your high score. You okay?" She asked after answering his question. In the background, he could here some snickering and some questions about him, from other feminine voices amongst a general sound of talking; he wondered if she with some girl friends, have a girls night or something like that; he heard that those were becoming popular back home. Maybe she was at the little café; by the water front that they both used to visit, they did have the best pastries. Speaking of which, his stomach began to rumble as he thought of the little pastry with the cream and the berries that he loved so much.

He made a mental note to get some food soon, since after this chat, it was back to work like before. He was speaking into his Data Pad whilst working on the Mako, so it could take down his reports, since it was faster than writing them out, and also, he could focus in on what he needed to report; he found that tinkering helps him hone into specific things better. He was about finished with his second report when out of no where, he noticed his Omni-Tool light up with a call from his sister, so he stopped the recording and picked up; family always takes first priority, even to a workaholic as himself.

"Yeah, just nicked my finger a little."

"Silly." She replied, with a laugh.

He rolled his eyes with a smile, replying "It's the old age, going cynical and all," before sighing a little.

"Garrus?" She asked after a moment of complete silence from him.

He usually kept it together, but sometimes his mind slipped into feeling slightly guilty since he was always busy and away. He loved his family so much, sometimes those feelings got the best of him. He occasionally remembered all the time they all spent together before he left; going to the park, family dinners, games, the typical things family do. At times, he regretted it, leaving home for a life of his own, but he knew others had it worse than him. And plus, he could always visit them; maybe it was because of how little he did?

They never held him guilty for it, which, in spite of everything, made him feel slightly better, but the longing, he guessed, was what made him feel this way. Since C-Sec was never very warm and family like the Normandy is, he would feel it almost constantly, not to say he's weak or anything. He hoped he would feel a little better everyday, now that he actually had some friends to talk to.

"You've gotten so good over the years, though." He finally said, after another minute of silence.

"Garrus, don't even start with that. You've been around plenty." She said with a slightly cold tone. She wasn't going to have this conversation, again.

He sighed a little, he felt as if he had to get this off his chest. It's been at least three months since they last spoke, so he just had to go there. He doesn't like to show weakness in front of her, and she knows that, hence why she doesn't want him to continue talking like that, but he does anyway.

"I know but, I've just, missed so much. How are you and dad, really? Are you-" He heard the same voices from before fawn in the background before Salona quickly shut them up, and he felt slightly embarrassed about it, along with a twinge of something else; he didn't know what but it didn't bother him.

"Garrus, stop it. Take a deep breath in." She said demandingly, before lightening up a little to add, "Cross that blue wire with the red," pointing to the one she was talking about.

"Why?" He questioned a moment later, having taken the breath she wanted him to take. He looked at the circuit board to where she had pointed and saw the wires, but why to cross them, he didn't understand.

"Because it's pretty, Garrus. Just do it, will ya." He chuckled a little, before replying "Okay, okay," adding in "don't be so bossy," to kill off the rest of the serious tension in the air. She was right, again; he shouldn't think like that, and anyway, he was going to see them soon.

Crossing the blue with the red, like he was told, he watched as a small spark erupted from them, before the wires began to glow a light blue. He was surprised to see that tapping into the shield capacitor actually boost the main gun's power output by ten percent. He was impressed, really impressed. "Hmm, never would have thought of that."

"Because you were too busy overthinking. You'll be home before you know it, Garrus." She explained, making him nod to himself; she was right, and he knew it. When it came to emotions, he could always go to her. In a way, she was more worldly than he was, even though she remained on Palaven, and he went off to space.

"Now, I need to go, unlike some people, I have to do some work." She giggled slightly, bring yet another smile to his face.

"Oh, you-"

She cut him off mid sentence, knowing he would retort something complete, one hundred percent true. Couldn't have that in front of her friends, now could she? "Love you bro!"

"Wha!? Ugh, love you too, sis. Tell dad I said 'Hi'." He said while rolling his eyes a little.

'She's still just a kid, even after all these years...' he thought quickly, before shaking his head a little.

"Will do, bye."

"Bye."

The video call came to an end, and for a moment, all he could do is just think of her. Maybe, depending on how things go, he could leave a little earlier than planned. His father's birthday is soon; if he can, maybe he could drop in for a surprise visit, maybe even bring Shepard along; Salona loves visitors from off-world, and 'Dad', the more the merrier, he always says. Maybe... eh, all is depending on how the mission plays out. All he can do is try to see if it can work out, and anyway, if it doesn't, he can always send a card and a gift. But this time, in the card, he could write 'be home soon' which is something he hasn't wrote in a long time; either way, he gets to go home.

He continued to tinker on the Mako for a little while longer, starting up his report again, before he finally remembered, with a 'subtle' reminder (if you could call it that), have you mind, from his stomach, that he was a little hungry. Putting down a random wrench he had in had, he jumped down from the Mako's hull, landing with perfect form. There was an officer on the other side of the Bay who saw this, who gave him a standing ovation, just like in a gymnastic tournament, after someone performed amazingly; he bowed a little, and they both laughed a little.

He liked being a little silly some times.

Walking to the elevator, he passed Wrex, who he thought, was actually humming. A Krogan, humming. Something you don't see everyday, that is, if you live from your first Krogan encounter. Most the time, if you see a Krogan, they're after you, that's what they have been demoted to. He kind of felt bad for them since they were basically used, and then left out to dry. But, they did choose the road they go down to date, and that, was their own problem, as a species. Deep down, he truly hoped that one day, things would change for them.

The elevator ride was slow, but nice. He leaned against the back wall, his hands resting against the railing, as it slid gently up to the Crew Deck. He wondered how Dr. T'Soni was doing; when his reports are done, he thought, maybe he should check in and see how she's doing. Shepard was nice enough to do that to him, so it seemed only right to return the favor.

The door opened, and he saw Ashley waiting to come in. He smiled, letting her in first, pressing the down arrow for her as he left. He asked how her shift was, and she said she was on a quick break because she got some mail from her mother that she needed to reply to. She reassured it was nothing bad when his face lit up with concern; it was concerning one of her younger sister's graduation, her mom wanted to know if she could be free so they could call her during the ceremony as a surprise. The Principle and Super Attendant where on board, so now she just needed to be free.

He smiled, and said 'have fun' before leaving the elevator to head over to the mess, pulling up his Data Pad to continue working. Though his head was down in the blue of the pad, he was still conscious about his surroundings; he walked around the corner, separating the mess and kitchen from the rest of the crew deck, with ease, avoiding the wall and other things that could possibly trip him; he has good peripheral vision. Instantly though, something mouth watering hit his nostrils; 'Must. Find. It.' He thought, making him chuckle aloud.

He saw a large, shiny pot on the stove, steam gently rising off of it; the odds of that being the source was good. The lid of the pot was on it, so perhaps it's simmering? Though, from the looks of it, he was thinking more on the lines that whoever was cooking it, was just keeping it warm. The fire beneath it was low and steady, blue and cool, just enough to keep warm whilst not continuing to cook whatever was in the pot. That would explain the magnificent scent it was giving off.

He was so enthralled by the smell, that he barely heard the question Shepard asked, less than five feet away.

"What's so funny, Garrus?"

At first, he wasn't sure if he actually heard it, or if it just was his head playing tricks with him, but the amused look Shepard gave him when he looked around to make sure he wasn't going insane proved to him that, yes indeed, someone had asked that.

Reality stepping back in, and the realization of how he looked to the commander and whoever was sitting next to him, he blushed whilst putting his data pad underneath his arm. He just made a huge ass fool of himself. But he was a sucker for good food, and honestly, it reminded him a little of his mother's cooking, so that made some of the embarrassment go away somehow. If asked, he could always say that, and plus, he's longed for it for such a long time. That reminded him, he needed to finalize his trip date; he was planning to go home during the summer (of Palaven, not Earth. They do overlap a little, but summer on Palaven starts later and lasts longer than that of Earth due to the longer solar year) to visit his folks and sister. It's been long over due.

"Heh heh heh, can you just forget that you saw that?" He asked after a moment, and to his dismay, Shepard shook his head 'no'. He cursed under his breath a little before laughing nervously to himself. Surprisingly however, Shepard joined in laughing, but with him instead of at him, which made him feel a little better.

"Were you looking for someone?" John asked once they calmed down from their high of laughter.

"Not this time. I came to grab a snack. Not to complain, but I have so much work to do, I don't know when I'm get to eat, let alone sleep." He explained, taking the data pad from beneath his arm to show Shepard he was still working at that very second, or had been until the beginning of the conversation. Though he didn't really have much time for conversation, the change of pace was welcomed with open arms since reports aren't exactly a hobby of his.

"No rest for the weary, eh?" Garrus shook his head no, with a slightly grunt in agreement.

"Nope, with the boss working me to the bone and all, how can I?" He joked, knowing Shepard would get a laugh out of it. As he predicted, he did, and he smiled.

"I know. I'm so evil, right?"

"Horrible." They again laughed aloud, and this time, even the guy next to him laughed a little, which, honestly, reminded him of his presence, which is kind of sad, even for him. Kind of seemed as if the guy wanted that, since he didn't make a single noise whatsoever.

They continued talking for a little, cracking jokes at each other every now and then. Apparently the guy for whom he was sitting with before he entered the room was Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, the same person who made the deliciousness that was on the stove. He apparently felt bad for being ill, so he made it for when everyone got back, since everyone was bound to be hungry at one point or another. 

He was kind of surprised to learn that was him, given his record (from what he could see before his omni-tool crashed each time); he was extremely quiet, and really slippery. One moment he was sitting quiet at the bar stool, next to Shepard as they talked about random stuff from the mission, and then the next, he had disappeared without a trace, other than a clean plate and utensils in their respected spot and a note on the pot saying 'Dinner: Chicken Cacciatore', whatever that was. Sounded good, and definitely sounded good. He wondered if should bother to try and stomach the stuff; he did, and surprisingly, he didn't throw up.

'Why does the Lieutenant work so hard to be invincible? Is it me? Or, maybe he's just shy to new people?' He hoped it wasn't him, that would honestly suck. He kind of knew it wasn't him, despite the peanut gallery in his head, since he was able to make the Lieutenant laugh a tiny bit before he magically disappeared, but, the possibility was still there that he did something wrong.

No, he was definitely overthinking it. If anything, he looked like, either, a major ditzy, or someone who appreciates the finer things in life; maybe a little bit of both in the end, but that's not the point. He didn't do anything wrong to warrant any hate or dislike, so there wouldn't be any unless the Lieutenant hated laughter and smiles, but the odds of that were slim to none since, again, for what he could read, he was someone who was always polite, honest and happy.

It wasn't him, so then, what was it?

Time quickly passed talking to John, and he hardly noticed it go by, until he started to yawn and looked at the clock on the stove. Ashley and Tali had been in and out earlier in their conversation, and the delicious pot that once stood high and mighty on the burner, was now gently resting in the 'draining board': who knew a wire based item could be so useful in drying tableware.

He cursed aloud, causing some of the crew members in the mess, and John to look at him with curious eyes, and he quickly apologized before rambling on about all the reports he had to finish and all the 'tinkering' he had to do on the Mako before calling it a night; it was already twenty one thirty.

Shepard rolled his eyes as he got up to walk with Garrus to the elevator.

"Don't work yourself too hard. Remember, I need you one hundred percent to take down Saren."

"I know, the one thing you can rely on is a Turian. Over the years, we've perfected the ancient art of 'Power Napping'." He replied playfully, while being dead serious. For the past several years he's been getting by with a couple of hours of sleep at random times, always changing because of the job, and he was use to it. That and a lot of coffee; he liked coffee.

"You seriously need to get out more." Shepard said, making Garrus laugh a little as they neared the elevator. This was coming from Commander Shepard, Hero of Elysium, and now Eden Prime, the man who spends his days doing practically everything no sane person would, nor should do; you know it's bad when he has to tell you that.

"I do... every now- and then." He said, while laughing uneasily. Truth is, he didn't remember the last time he did something that wasn't work related, workaholic and all. Not that he didn't want to or anything, he would have loved to go out for after work drinks or lunch, but work always came first. But... he was talking to Shepard without talking about work, so&hellip it's a start.

"Why doesn't that sound reassuring, Garrus?" Shepard asked, making him chuckle in response.

"I try. Anyway, it's not like I always work. I talk to you, don't I?"

"Hey, no fair." Shepard replied slightly defensive as they rounded the corner to the elevator. It was nice, talking to Shepard. He had a really good time, despite the fact that now he was set back several hours of long, tedious work. Too bad, he wouldn't change it any bit. And anyway, he could eat and sleep later. He wasn't lying when he said Turians are good with managing their work and their health. One time, he didn't sleep for more than sixty-four hours because of a high profile case involving a mercenary, a Yahg prostitute and an Elcor Diplomat; it wasn't the most pleasant of cases.

Anyway, the elevator was surprisingly quick in getting to the crew deck from the cargo bay; Wrex was riding it up though, so it was just coincidental, but still nice that the wait wasn't long. The door opened in the middle of their laughs, and Wrex stepped out confused and slightly weirded out; with the expression on his face, it seemed like he was asking 'what did I miss' or 'why the hell are you being friendly with a Turian, human?' Either way, all he did was just grunt, and mumbled something that sounded like 'can't trust a Turian' underneath his breath before stomping past them. Safe to say they weren't going to be friends any time soon.

Once their laughter subsided, Garrus stepped into the elevator and watched as the doors began to close, but the sound of Shepard's arm slamming against the elevator door, stopping it from closing all the way. Ok, maybe slamming was the wrong word, it more like just a loud bang. Any case, Garrus was still surprised and unnerved by the actions taken by Shepard.

"Garrus... please don't think badly of Kaidan- the Lieutenant," What are you- oh... he understood were this was going, not to sound arrogant or anything. He understood why he brought this up, though the matter for which it was brought up could have been a little less dramatic. Knowing the subject of the conversation, he relaxed a tad bit since Shepard using his arm to stop the door from closing put him on edge. "I don't know anything about his past other than that of his record, but, just, please don't write him off. I know he likes you, and I know that he wants to be open to you."

"I don't. He's a strong man, and everyone can see it. Though, his silence is&hellip questionable?" he paused, trying to find the right word to describe what he meant. Shyness is one thing, but what the Lieutenant did was just plain out evade and avoid. It's obvious he's not one to trust people easily, but so much that he does that?

Also, why is Shepard so... involved in this? No, that's not the right word. Why does he 'care', not saying that he can't care or feel anything for his friends or anything. Even after the hours of talking and bantering, this side of Shepard was... different. From how his body slightly shook, though he tried his best to conceal the fact, to how his eyes basically were begging him not to think bad of Kaidan, this part of Shepard, he guessed nobody saw it that often, since, deep down, he was shocked and surprised to see it.

'Shepard is human.'

Shepard didn't reply for a moment. All he did was just stand there, trying to find a way to explain what he was thinking; Garrus only could watch him in the silence. 'Kaidan will be a lucky man when they both realize it', he thought to himself, right before John finally gathered his thoughts, and started to talk.

"He is, in many ways; he hasn't given up even after everything that's been thrown his way. Sometimes though, we think keeping thing to ourselves is better than burdening others with them. He wants to make everyone happy, and by dealing with his own problems, he feels like that helps. So for now, all we can do is let him work things out and wait until he lets us in to also help."

"Isn't it dangerous for someone like that to be fighting? They're unpredictable in that sense." He asked, genuinely concerned. Allowing people who aren't focused to work and fight is basically setting up whatever mission the person is on, for failure, even risking said person's life. If his predictions where true, Shepard would be devastated if that happened. It happened to him as well, once, back when he was still in the Turian Military. He still regrets it to this day, despite being so long ago, but that's a burden that he keeps in check. Instead of giving in, he fights instead so nothing like it happens again.

"True, but after seeing him, and getting Dr. Chakwas opinion, it's better to let him continue working. When he's working, he shows his true colors, whilst allowing him to focus in on one problem at a time, instead of everything all at once. Honestly, it's kind of a smart idea, the way he's doing it; had I done it the same way, it might have been a lot easier for me to handle as well."

He was surprised to hear the last part of that statement; the rest of it was true, working through the pain slowly, instead of all at once. Depending on the person, doing that would break them, so in that sense, it was understandable. Relieving Kaidan of his duty would give him too much time to think, and then, sooner or later, everything would spiral out of control and then, god only knows (he didn't want to think of what could happen). He probably, also, didn't want to relieve him of duty since he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him, which in all cases, is probably for the better anyway.

The one thing that slightly bothered him, after all the thinking, was when he said 'had I done the same'... Was Shepard in a rough patch too? Well, obviously he was, but for what? Kind of hard to image such a man, an icon really, in such a bad place, if not worse.

'I guess that doesn't matter, he's happy now.'

"Shepard, wha-?" he began to say before he was cut off with John's handsome smile.

"Next time, Garrus." He said before moving his hand, and letting the elevator doors close.

'Who knew.' He thought to himself as the elevator slid slowly down the shaft, deeper into the bowels of the Normandy as she glided through space, without a single thing holding her back.

 

* * *

 

**Kaidan**

_"Good luck, Commander. Remember: we're all counting on you." He heard the Asari Councilor say on the other side of the door, in the Comm. Room. Before his meeting with the Councilors, Shepard had called for a debriefing in there, to try and figure out if Dr. T'Soni knew what the Crucible was, and where Saren was located; she didn't, unfortunately. The only thing she could offer was her thanks (For saving her life) and some information, generalized, she's gathered over the course of her research._

_She seemed nice, and very respectful in her field. Her understanding of the Prothean beacon helped explain how and why Shepard saw what he saw, and he was glad for that. It sucks when nobody is on your side, he knew that from experience, so he was glad that at least others could believe in him now. Not that no one did, just the reassurance, then? He didn't know why he was glad, honestly. It was more like he was fishing for a reason to be glad, instead of just saying 'I'm glad'._

_The room went quiet, and soon, he could hear footsteps, right before the door opened. He was leaning against the wall next to the door when Shepard exited, and for a second, he thought of not saying anything and just letting him go, but... he didn't want that. He, for some reason, wanted to talk to him._

_"Sounds like they like you." John stopped and turned around to see him standing there, and gave a smile before replying, "Just enough, we got the job done without any casualties, so in their eyes, I'm reliable._

_"Besides one Prothean Ruin, that is." He joked, knowing it was slightly a touchy subject, still. He pushed off from the wall and slowly walked towards Shepard. 'He's taller than I thought,' flashed across his mind, freaking him out a little, but he managed to keep a straight face about it. He was good at acting, after all._

_"Yeah, too bad. It was an amazing sight, despite it being slightly eerie and all." He said, before explaining to him what the ruins had looked like. From the description, it sounded more like a prison or a mental hospital, more than a ruin; white titles, solitary cells with shield keeping you from escaping... Not exactly the best thing to imagine when you had a past like his own, but he quickly shut that train of thought down. He was in a good mood, and he didn't want to have it end yet._

_They begun walking together, from the Comm. Room, into the CIC and down the stairs to the Crew Deck. They stopped at Kaidan's work station because he needed to save a report he was working on, even though he could have saved it on his Data Pad since it was linked up to his computer. He wanted to be sure to save it at his physical computer since Data Pads, every now and then, have a little bug. It's happened to him before, and this report was too important to risk that. Rule One of Being A Perfect Soldier: Be on time with your work, no excuses._

_"Is it true that the Salarian Councilor said 'The mission must always come first?' Does he really believe that?" Kaidan asked as they walked down the stairs. He decided to take a short break, so they could take their time walking and talking to one another._

_"Honestly, sometimes I wonder if they know when a price is too high."_

_"It's not like I had a choice, you know." Shepard shot back instantly. He could hear the defensiveness in how Shepard replied, which made him stop and back up a little. Shepard too, stopped, but looked at him strangely, that made Kaidan feel even more in the wrong. He wasn't trying to reprimand him or anything, he was just trying to express his opinion. What to do, how to do it. What to say, how to fix it..._

 

_**'Just shut up and do what you're told. Nobody cares about you. No one ever did.'** _

 

'No, Shepard wants me to talk. He's a friend.'

 

_**'A friend, how cute. How could anyone be friends with you? Weak, soft little you?'** _

 

_'You're wrong. He is, Joker is, Karin is!'_

 

_**'They're playing you, just like she did. They'll betray you, like she did.'** _

 

_'No, go away! I can trust them! I know them more than you ever could!'_

 

_"-adan?" Huh?_

_"Hey, you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost." Shepard asked, concerned. He had become extremely pale, and he felt a slight headache brewing, but otherwise, he didn't exactly know what he was talking about. He felt fine, relieved even. You know how sometimes, just out of no where, you're happy? For no reason at all, that you can think of? That was him. All he was doing was just thinking on how to rectify things since he what he said, came off as condescending (despite his intention was nothing of the sorts) and then, he felt, just a little bit lighter, as if something was lifted off his shoulders. And then, a wave of happiness, nothing tainted about it and for the first time in a while..._

_He smiled._

_"I'm sorry, Commander, I was out of line before. I wasn't questioning your decisions, if it sounded like I was. I wasn't there, so I can't judge you. Had there been any other choice you could have made, you would have found it, just like you did with Manuel on Eden Prime." He started rambling, on and on, trying his very best to rectify the situation. Rule Two: Never question your superiors; that one he's had some trouble with in the past, though, in the end, he always gotten praise for his honesty and his view of 'justice for all', whatever they meant by that. He basically took that statement to mean that it was his superiors way of saying 'I messed up, and he fixed it' (not to sound rude, or anything. That's how it usually turned out in the past, so telling just as it is)._

_He finally took a break, and sighed. Shepard chuckled a little. "What I'm trying to say is, is that-" _

_ Shepard interrupted him. "Sometimes, you wonder if people care more about face than what's really important." He was, honestly, shocked that Shepard was able to explain what he meant to say, and in such an eloquent, yet simple manner.  _

_ "If it's not too bold, Commander, yes." "Kaidan, you don't have to be so formal, you know. I'm not a huge stickler for rules, as you can tell."  _

_ "I wonder what gave it away." He joked as they began walking again through the Crew Deck. Both he and John laughed out loud, making people turn to look at them because of the unorthodox commotion, and some smiled at the sight. He was about to say something else until it dawned on him, that he had forgotten something important.  _

_ "Shit! I forgot I was in the middle of cooking when you called us in for that meeting!" Kaidan took off and ran straight into the kitchen, quickly throwing on his slightly embarrassing apron (it said 'Momma's Little Boy' on it; it was a joke gift for his birthday not too long ago), and quickly focusing in on how to save the food. He didn't hear Shepard come in, but he figured he would follow, and he was proven right when John out of no where asked  _

_ "Seriously? Momma's Little Boy?"  _

_ "My Mom, she sent it to me when I turned twenty-one. She always did have a knack for playing little jokes."  _

_ "You get her back?" John asked quickly. Kaidan smiled a devious grin, turning his face to face back at John as he sat at one of the bar stools at the Kitchen Island. _

_ "Big time."  _

_ "How big?" _

_ "Several large gallon tubs of ice cream, a fake gigolo and a block of people pretending to be zombies. I had some help."  _

_ "Oh god," Shepard said, making him laugh once more before, again, continuing to cook. _

 

* * *

 

'That was nice', he thought to himself as he sat at his station, finishing up some reports that he had started earlier in the day.

After talking with Shepard in the Mess, and listening to Garrus and him banter back and forth like an old married couple for a while, he left silently and strategically so he wouldn't interrupt them. They sounded like they were having fun, so out he went. He did have to admit, however, one of these days, he needed to say 'Hi' to Garrus, and have a little chat with him; he seemed like a nice guy and everything, better than other Turians who (basically tortured him and turned everyone against him in every way, shape and form) he knew, not thinking of anyone specific, of course.

When he got back to the bridge, Joker noticed how cheerful and open Kaidan was, since he couldn't possibly shut up. He went on a rampage, going from talking about something as random as music, then about John, then to food, and then somehow, back to John once more. He honestly was just in a good mood.

By the time his shift was over at twenty-four hundred, he had managed to finish all his normal work and then some, while also having sucked Joker dry of all his jokes and remotely funny stories; Joker mentioned more than once how he literally had nothing left in his 'arsenal', and for some reason, he felt a little guilty, and yet slightly proud that he was able to open up without really caring or over thinking. Everything just came out so naturally, and he felt so happy, laughing and talking. He didn't have to worry about hurting anyone, because he was talking to a friend.

Before he left the bridge, he logged out of his station, allowing for Pressley to take over with ease, and wished Joker a good evening, reminding him that even the best of men need sleep, earning him a 'yes mom', making him laugh. Honestly though, after all the fun and after all the work he managed to get done today, he was beyond exhausted. So, he quickly got down to the Crew Quarters and began to get ready for sleep.

He slowly entered the dark room, hoping not to wake anyone who may or may not have been asleep, but were trying to, but after a minute of walking in between the many bunks, he realized no one was in, which was slightly unnerving. Usually, by this time, at least a couple of people were in talking about work or other random stuff, but no one, that was kind of unheard of. Though, he decided to take the alone time to his advantage.

Sitting down on his bed, he just sat there for a moment; for no reason at all, other than just to sit. He kicked off his shoes slowly, and when he did, he lied down, just focusing on how he felt; peaceful, light, heavenly... He sighed as his back relaxed into the mattress, and as all the stress he felt over the last couple of days just melted away.

He was just about to fall asleep when he realized he was still dressed in his uniform. 'But I don't wanna' he thought to himself as he sat up and began to tug at each button on his shirt, until it just slid off his body. For his pants, he physically had to get up to take those off (so hard) and replace them with some sweatpants that, when he looked in the small mirror, fell a little lower than his normal, exposing the 'V' that lead down to his crotch. Honestly, with his pants a little lower, and with wearing nothing but his dog tags on his upper-body, he felt a little sexy, but he paid little mind to it.

To change, or not to change, that is what he debated, whether or nor to change the sweats for something slightly more appropriate, put a shirt on, or just go brush his teeth and go to bed, but in the end, he kept the pants, didn't put on a shirt, and as for brushing his teeth, as lazy as he felt at the moment, he knew that he was going to have to pry himself off the warm, comforting bed and trek the long way to the men's bathroom, directly across the hall.

Time passed slowly, and with a little effort put in, he actually made it to and from the bathroom, without being noticed which made him glad since there was no one to get embarrassed at or by around, and he was now in bed. The sheets had been pulled to the spot where he liked it, his head was full of good thoughts; enjoyable thought; he was ready to go to call it a day, a wonderful one at that.

Then, out of nowhere, he sat up.

"Wait... today is Tuesday..."

He said slowly as he sat back down on his bed, and grabbed his Omni-Tool. Tuesday was a special day of the week because every week, no matter what his parents were doing was doing, they would take the time to send him a message, and he always looked forward to them. Many times, the brightened his day or evening, wherever he was.

Smiling, he opened his mail, and saw a blinking light that had the title 'Mom' on it. Breathing in, he clicked it, and began to read:

 

_Hi Kaidan,_

 

_How are you? You know why I've written, so I'm just going to get to rambling, since you know how much I love to, so humor me and just read this (not that you wont since I know how much you anticipate these messages). Anderson called yesterday to let us know he'd be able to make Sunday dinner since the invite is always open to him; he's a good man; everybody loves him, including your father and you know how picky he can be when it comes to people. Anyway, he told us how Shepard was put in charge of the Normandy since he's now a Spectre, which is kind of amazing, right? I mean, it's sad for Anderson since he loves being in the action and he's worked so hard and for so long to get where he is, but the first human Spectre! That's news, and you're on his ship!? How cool is that? Ask anybody, and they'd say you are one lucky 'bastard', quoting your father there, just saying. He must be an amazing person if he could even get some aliens on his team, especially a Krogan, that must have been a nightmare, and yet, he managed it. Nothing I'd expect less from the Hero of Elysium._

 

_Sounds like you're having all the fun, nothing really exciting like that has occurred around here, though, your father got a promotion. I don't know if you heard about it since my last message, but now, he's working as a member of the defense committee here in Vancouver, so he's away from dawn to dusk most days. *sigh* It's nice to see him so happy since his dream finally came true, not saying that having you wasn't a dream come true as well for him. Even before his job, you're his pride and joy, and the reason he lives. He wished he could have written this message, since I wrote the last one, but since the new job, he's been busy, so he sends his love, and the usual embarrassing little fatherly nicknames he loves so much. As for me, I visited my sister last week and, oh! I lied about nothing happening recently. Guess what, you're going to have a cousin. She found out she's pregnant a little while back, and only told her husband and Nana, so DON &rsquoT tell her I told you, nor anybody for that matter. The only reason I know is because I caught her knitting some small socks late at night, since she loves that kind of stuff..._

 

The message was a longer one than usual, containing minute details about different things from babies to Dad's job, and even random things like cooking questions, since he use to cook a lot for his parents when he lived at home before joining the Alliance. He read each page, each line even, with bated breath, as if nothing else in the world existed but this one screen of letters, periods, and spaces. He couldn't help but smile through the entire thing.

His mother's words really meant a lot to him, even when they were cheesy or a little bit embarrassing, but even so, he loved it, and hearing about his father made him happy. He was happy to hear that all the hard work his father put into the world, finally came back to him. He worked so hard and for so long, from days to weeks at a time, for the Alliance, sometimes doing things that no sane person would ever think of doing, and now, it paid off. His father was his role model, his hero (despite some things in his past that he didn't quite agree with nor liked that his father did, but he couldn't hold that against him, it served a purpose, he just didn't know what it was yet).

He finally finished reading after several minutes, and for a little while, he didn't really know how to respond to any of it. First a baby cousin and his dad getting a promotion, then questions on some recipes he hadn't made in years and talks about moving, birthdays, dating questions; so much to digest, and yet, most wasn't because of his fatigue. However, he wanted to reply, so with a long, drawn out yawn and a little stretch, he began to write...

 

and eventually fell...

 

into a deep...

 

and peaceful...

 

sleep...


End file.
